"I told myself I needed to eat like someone who respected himself." That's a statement that HalfMan made in a recent blog post when he was talking about his weight loss.
So true, isn't it? We don't need to eat like we're ashamed, and we don't need to eat like we have no respect for what food does in our bodies, like we have no respect for who we are and what our years of life are worth. We need to eat like we have self respect.
We also need to exercise like we have self respect.
We're hitting the time of year when it's cool enough in the mornings for those crazy fitness bootcamps to go on in the park where I run. So when I walk into the park these days, I hear fitness instructors yelling, "Come ON! Come ON! Come ON!" I see huddled groups of exercisers trying to hold themselves in push-up position, and then dropping one knee down when they can't hold it, looking around embarrassed or keeping their faces down. I see grimaces. I see bodies covered in work-out pants and long-sleeve t's, with short-sleeve t's over them. Why such coverage for a work-out? I'm out there in shorts, a sports bra, and a sports tank, and I know they have to be getting at least as steamy as I do.
Whenever I am passing one of these groups, I get this overwhelming sense of negativity. What are they thinking about my body, about this pudgy girl who's walking (if I'm warming up) or running through the park? What do the instructors think of me--that I need to have my ass worked over like these people in their boot camps?
I work on letting it go. Every single time I pass them, I doubt myself: doubt my ability to take care of myself, doubt the appeal of my appearance, doubt my methodology.
And quite frankly, I realized today, that's absurd.
I am sure there are dieters who have found bootcamps helpful. But when I see those people crouched on the ground or huffing through plyometrics while instructors blow whistles at them, I realized today that I feel it is the opposite of everything I am trying to do with my weight loss and fitness goals. I want to take care of myself. I want to nurture myself. I want to feel good in my skin and good in my life. I want to feel alive and happy and hard-working. I want to set up my life so that I am happily in my life's driver's seat, knowing I'm a competent driver.
I do not want to feel ashamed or belittled or punished. And when I'm passing the people in the bootcamp, with the instructors standing still screaming and the overweight people all in motion, I feel like that is what those overweight people are doing to themselves. They are saying that they do not have the skills, the willpower, the stamina to create a better life for themselves without being punished or controlled by someone else. They are saying, "Here, take my power, because I don't know what to do with it, and you must know better than me."
Is that really sustainable in the long run? How can we succeed at having a healthy, long life if we won't take control of our own actions within that life? If the only controls upon us are external ones of what a bootcamp instructor says during a workout or what a spouse thinks of us taking another bite? What happens is we rebel against those controls at some point. We don't show up for exercise. We sneak food. We eat a potato, and because it's not 'on the plan,' it throws us off entirely.
You have the power within you to lose this weight, to flip the magnet of your life so that instead of being repelled from what you want to be come, you stick to it. I have that power, too. It's not about making any huge sacrifices, giving up entire food groups because we can't 'manage' to eat them without going crazy or having someone force us to exercise until we are in pain. It's about a gradual approach toward taking care of ourselves, toward believing we really are smart enough and capable enough to learn to run our own lives and really, truly love ourselves. That doesn't mean we won't need guidance and inspiration from bloggers, personal trainers, friends, dietitians, or anyone else, because most of us will. But it means we need to take that information and support to empower ourselves, not give that power away.
Showing posts with label on the soapbox. Show all posts
Showing posts with label on the soapbox. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Doing It the Bob Greene Way
You know, it's funny. I was getting pretty frustrated with myself about this whole weight-loss thing lately. Then I realized a few things:
1. Despite a pretty large stress load lately, the way I have been eating, I have been maintaining my weight loss, which is about 20 pounds lower than I was in December and about 40 pounds lower than my highest weight.
2. I tell everyone else that sometimes you have so much going on in your life that you can't expect yourself to exert a large amount of energy on weight loss as well as handle the other stuff--and I need to accept that I get into that same place sometimes (not long-term, just for now!).
3. Although running has been great for my body in terms of how I feel and how I look (even Dan's Ph.D. advisor, who is normally rather oblivious to me, recently commented, "Your training is really looking great on you"), when I started training for running a 5k, I went from exercising 30-45 minutes daily to exercising 30-45 minutes every other day. If you look at people who keep weight off long-term (according to the National Weight Loss Registry), over 80 percent of them exercise about an hour a day. I'm definitely not there at this point. Moreover, that's okay! Running has been moving me into a better appreciation of my body and its abilities. It's also done a lot for my self-esteem. But if I'm going to gear up for long-term weight loss and weight-loss maintenance, I will have to keep moving forwards into being more active in the long term.
I'm the kind of person who likes to act quickly. Sometimes I jump head-long into things just to realize they aren't right for me or won't work with me/for me. When I realized that I need to be exercising more to jump-start my weight loss, my first idea was to figure out something RIGHT NOW and start on it RIGHT AWAY.
Then I checked myself. The reason this post is entitled "Doing It the Bob Greene Way" is that in The Best Life Diet (the last diet book I read--in January--and the last one I intend to read for a long time unless I'm researching exercise), Bob says that one problem with many diets is that they have us jump into dieting in exactly the way I often respond to things (the way I have tried not to do it this time). We get really gung-ho, we go at the diet and/or exercise passionately for a short while, and then we start slipping up. We start slipping up because the diet/exercise we are doing isn't really sustainable in our lives; it's too restrictive, or too hard-core. When we slip up, we feel like we are failing, and when we feel like we are failing, we give up--either gradually or quickly. For us to create sustainable weight loss, he says, we need to ease into the process of losing weight instead of trying to jump-start it. Make a few changes, he says, and watch the weight start to come off slowly. Once you are used to those changes, make a few more. Work your way into being someone who exercises regularly. Work your way into being someone who eats meals that are high in veggies, fruits, and whole grains. Treat yourself gently and lovingly, not as someone who needs to be beaten or whipped into shape at a frenzied pace.
It works--it's just not a quick fix, and that's hard for people. But think about it: would you rather be 20 pounds lighter at the end of this year, or would you rather stay where you are now? Would you rather lose 15 pounds in three weeks, but then gain it back six months later? Would you rather be reliant on a diet or exercise plan that makes you miserable?
I sometimes think to myself that if I had lost something like 5 pounds a year from the time I was originally overweight, I would have hit my goal weight by now. Even now, I'm like, But 5 pounds?? That's tiny! And I am not suggesting that it's a huge loss. But a slow loss of 5 or 20 or 40 pounds in a year is a much better situation to be in than sitting somewhere, miserably thinking how you have failed at yet another extreme or odd diet (or how you have gained back that weight yet again).
I remember when one of my close friends was 185 pounds and trying to lose weight. I was somewhere like 215 and trying to lose weight. 185 seemed like a distant, nearly impossible dream. Now I'm the girl at 185! That is NOT a bad feeling.
My life right now is like this: I was promoted recently and am learning that job as well as taking on the stress and responsibility of being the head of my department. There are people who clearly think I should not have the position I have at 26 years of age--I don't let them stress me out, but I know they are there waiting to see what happens. I am working two jobs until I find the replacement for my previous job, which means I am juggling the paperwork, the office visits, the phone calls, the questions from homeowners, etc., that two people normally handle. I am interviewing for that previous job I held. I have worked a pretty decent number of late nights lately, and even when I get home from work at a normal time, I am completely exhausted--completely exhausted. I, who normally enjoy cooking, have come home too tired to cook or do anything day after day. I have gone to bed at 8 p.m. several nights, 9 p.m. on others--and still have felt too tired to get up to run some days, choosing instead to sleep 10 or 11 hours a night.
So is now the time to try to push myself to a new level of exercising to make sure my weight loss shoots up? No, it's not. I can--and have been trying to--be aware of what I eat on a regular basis, continuing to keep sweets in check as an occasional treat, not using enormous levels of fat in foods, not eating fried foods too often, focusing on having at least 5 fruit and veggie servings a day. In other words, I can and have been trying to maintain my current level of commitment to my health. But that's the limit of my energy when it comes to weight loss right now. I'd still like to lose weight by my birthday (a month from today), so I have changed my ticker from 10 pounds (which ain't happenin', honey) to 5 pounds. If it happens, great. If not, but I maintain or lose a bit before my birthday, I will certainly consider that a success. Sometimes maintaining your pace is an enormous success; I know that all too well from the times I've dieted and given up! . . . I know all too well that feeling of anxiety and sadness when the weight starts creeping back up and you go, "Oh, here it goes" and don't feel the energy to stop the upward change. If I maintain or lose just a bit now, I'll be doing very well. It's going against my personality to think that way, but it's true.
In a few weeks, I will have hired my replacement for my previous position. I will train her (all the final candidates are women), she will start to attend some of the evening/weekend meetings I currently attend, and my stress will ease. Some of the stress will ease in the coming month, and the rest of it should ease up some in 2-3 months. If I have to wait a month or two to gear up my exercise to a higher level and start seeing a regular drop on the scales, that is okay.
1. Despite a pretty large stress load lately, the way I have been eating, I have been maintaining my weight loss, which is about 20 pounds lower than I was in December and about 40 pounds lower than my highest weight.
2. I tell everyone else that sometimes you have so much going on in your life that you can't expect yourself to exert a large amount of energy on weight loss as well as handle the other stuff--and I need to accept that I get into that same place sometimes (not long-term, just for now!).
3. Although running has been great for my body in terms of how I feel and how I look (even Dan's Ph.D. advisor, who is normally rather oblivious to me, recently commented, "Your training is really looking great on you"), when I started training for running a 5k, I went from exercising 30-45 minutes daily to exercising 30-45 minutes every other day. If you look at people who keep weight off long-term (according to the National Weight Loss Registry), over 80 percent of them exercise about an hour a day. I'm definitely not there at this point. Moreover, that's okay! Running has been moving me into a better appreciation of my body and its abilities. It's also done a lot for my self-esteem. But if I'm going to gear up for long-term weight loss and weight-loss maintenance, I will have to keep moving forwards into being more active in the long term.
I'm the kind of person who likes to act quickly. Sometimes I jump head-long into things just to realize they aren't right for me or won't work with me/for me. When I realized that I need to be exercising more to jump-start my weight loss, my first idea was to figure out something RIGHT NOW and start on it RIGHT AWAY.
Then I checked myself. The reason this post is entitled "Doing It the Bob Greene Way" is that in The Best Life Diet (the last diet book I read--in January--and the last one I intend to read for a long time unless I'm researching exercise), Bob says that one problem with many diets is that they have us jump into dieting in exactly the way I often respond to things (the way I have tried not to do it this time). We get really gung-ho, we go at the diet and/or exercise passionately for a short while, and then we start slipping up. We start slipping up because the diet/exercise we are doing isn't really sustainable in our lives; it's too restrictive, or too hard-core. When we slip up, we feel like we are failing, and when we feel like we are failing, we give up--either gradually or quickly. For us to create sustainable weight loss, he says, we need to ease into the process of losing weight instead of trying to jump-start it. Make a few changes, he says, and watch the weight start to come off slowly. Once you are used to those changes, make a few more. Work your way into being someone who exercises regularly. Work your way into being someone who eats meals that are high in veggies, fruits, and whole grains. Treat yourself gently and lovingly, not as someone who needs to be beaten or whipped into shape at a frenzied pace.
It works--it's just not a quick fix, and that's hard for people. But think about it: would you rather be 20 pounds lighter at the end of this year, or would you rather stay where you are now? Would you rather lose 15 pounds in three weeks, but then gain it back six months later? Would you rather be reliant on a diet or exercise plan that makes you miserable?
I sometimes think to myself that if I had lost something like 5 pounds a year from the time I was originally overweight, I would have hit my goal weight by now. Even now, I'm like, But 5 pounds?? That's tiny! And I am not suggesting that it's a huge loss. But a slow loss of 5 or 20 or 40 pounds in a year is a much better situation to be in than sitting somewhere, miserably thinking how you have failed at yet another extreme or odd diet (or how you have gained back that weight yet again).
I remember when one of my close friends was 185 pounds and trying to lose weight. I was somewhere like 215 and trying to lose weight. 185 seemed like a distant, nearly impossible dream. Now I'm the girl at 185! That is NOT a bad feeling.
My life right now is like this: I was promoted recently and am learning that job as well as taking on the stress and responsibility of being the head of my department. There are people who clearly think I should not have the position I have at 26 years of age--I don't let them stress me out, but I know they are there waiting to see what happens. I am working two jobs until I find the replacement for my previous job, which means I am juggling the paperwork, the office visits, the phone calls, the questions from homeowners, etc., that two people normally handle. I am interviewing for that previous job I held. I have worked a pretty decent number of late nights lately, and even when I get home from work at a normal time, I am completely exhausted--completely exhausted. I, who normally enjoy cooking, have come home too tired to cook or do anything day after day. I have gone to bed at 8 p.m. several nights, 9 p.m. on others--and still have felt too tired to get up to run some days, choosing instead to sleep 10 or 11 hours a night.
So is now the time to try to push myself to a new level of exercising to make sure my weight loss shoots up? No, it's not. I can--and have been trying to--be aware of what I eat on a regular basis, continuing to keep sweets in check as an occasional treat, not using enormous levels of fat in foods, not eating fried foods too often, focusing on having at least 5 fruit and veggie servings a day. In other words, I can and have been trying to maintain my current level of commitment to my health. But that's the limit of my energy when it comes to weight loss right now. I'd still like to lose weight by my birthday (a month from today), so I have changed my ticker from 10 pounds (which ain't happenin', honey) to 5 pounds. If it happens, great. If not, but I maintain or lose a bit before my birthday, I will certainly consider that a success. Sometimes maintaining your pace is an enormous success; I know that all too well from the times I've dieted and given up! . . . I know all too well that feeling of anxiety and sadness when the weight starts creeping back up and you go, "Oh, here it goes" and don't feel the energy to stop the upward change. If I maintain or lose just a bit now, I'll be doing very well. It's going against my personality to think that way, but it's true.
In a few weeks, I will have hired my replacement for my previous position. I will train her (all the final candidates are women), she will start to attend some of the evening/weekend meetings I currently attend, and my stress will ease. Some of the stress will ease in the coming month, and the rest of it should ease up some in 2-3 months. If I have to wait a month or two to gear up my exercise to a higher level and start seeing a regular drop on the scales, that is okay.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
Overworked, underappreciated wives and moms
. . . also potentially occasionally husbands and dads, though I think this issue is less prevalent there.
I'm just going to come out and say that I don't think you should feel you need to cook different food for your husband and/or kids when you are on a diet. My husband--without complaint (he loves what I cook, but he'd also know better than to complain)--eats what I make us: a high-vegetable diet that no longer involves meat when we eat at home. He says what I make is so tasty he'd be a fool not to enjoy it--and I do try to make tasty and unrepetitive dishes--but even if something doesn't come out great, he eats it with the respect that the time I've spent in the kitchen deserves. (Occasionally he'll insist something is worth eating even when I don't want to try it anymore after a couple of unsatisfying bites!)
When we have kids, they'll eat what I cook for all of us. I'm not running myself ragged trying to fix different stuff for different family members, and if they don't like it--well, too bad. Eventually they'll be hungry enough to eat. I won't have a clean-plate club, but I will have a try-everything club. I want any kids I have to learn to be polite eaters who try different foods, and I want them to consider healthy foods tasty and comforting from having a childhood full of them. I want them to realize garlic, cumin, curry powder, and the like are great for making foods desirable without deep-frying, pouring cream over, etc. When I was a chubby kid, I wish my parents had gotten the whole family on a healthier eating plan rather than singling me out--they were chubby, too. Think about it: if you need a diet, even if your husband and/or kids are not yet overweight, chances are that your husband and children are also eating too much fat, too much sugar, etc., and are setting themselves up for a life of obesity and/or illness. Is that what you want for your spouse or kids? Making a healthy lifestyle a family event means no one is singled out and everyone at least has a background of healthy eating to fall back on.
Also, I hate it when I read in a blog that a mom or wife ended up giving in to terrible cravings after she (with guilt or the precursors to it in her heart) made her hubby or kids some other food than what she was eating for a meal. How much energy must that take? To make them another food on top of her food and then get tempted to eat that unhealthy food and try to fight that temptation? Healthy food is healthy for everyone.
I have a strong personality and would not have a problem telling my husband that it's insulting to me for him to expect me to make two types of meals each night. Sometimes I have to say things like that very clearly to my husband ("It really upsets me when you ___ because it makes me feel __"), though luckily he dropped any picky eating issues before I met him, so food is a non-issue. I think it's Dr. Phil who says that people treat us the way we let them know they can treat us. Dr. Phil and I don't always see eye to eye, but I think that statement has some truth; people will sometimes get away with treating you as poorly as you will let them. I think that happens sometimes--probably unconsciously in some cases--where wives are making two meals for one family each night. Husbands who don't understand where I might be coming from need to read The Seven Principles for a Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, a great book. I love the book partly because it holds men responsible for recognizing all the various (often unnoticed) contributions women make to sustaining the marriage. (Wives can use it, too. My husband and I think it was the best marriage book we read for setting up our relationship well and correcting missteps we were making.) My husband and I recommend that book to nearly everyone and give copies to all our engaged friends; that's how much we believe in it!
Women who are either watching kids all day or coming home from work and making dinner deserve respect and appreciation for their efforts, not extra demands. And I really believe healthy works for everyone. Those are my two cents, anyway.
I'm just going to come out and say that I don't think you should feel you need to cook different food for your husband and/or kids when you are on a diet. My husband--without complaint (he loves what I cook, but he'd also know better than to complain)--eats what I make us: a high-vegetable diet that no longer involves meat when we eat at home. He says what I make is so tasty he'd be a fool not to enjoy it--and I do try to make tasty and unrepetitive dishes--but even if something doesn't come out great, he eats it with the respect that the time I've spent in the kitchen deserves. (Occasionally he'll insist something is worth eating even when I don't want to try it anymore after a couple of unsatisfying bites!)
When we have kids, they'll eat what I cook for all of us. I'm not running myself ragged trying to fix different stuff for different family members, and if they don't like it--well, too bad. Eventually they'll be hungry enough to eat. I won't have a clean-plate club, but I will have a try-everything club. I want any kids I have to learn to be polite eaters who try different foods, and I want them to consider healthy foods tasty and comforting from having a childhood full of them. I want them to realize garlic, cumin, curry powder, and the like are great for making foods desirable without deep-frying, pouring cream over, etc. When I was a chubby kid, I wish my parents had gotten the whole family on a healthier eating plan rather than singling me out--they were chubby, too. Think about it: if you need a diet, even if your husband and/or kids are not yet overweight, chances are that your husband and children are also eating too much fat, too much sugar, etc., and are setting themselves up for a life of obesity and/or illness. Is that what you want for your spouse or kids? Making a healthy lifestyle a family event means no one is singled out and everyone at least has a background of healthy eating to fall back on.
Also, I hate it when I read in a blog that a mom or wife ended up giving in to terrible cravings after she (with guilt or the precursors to it in her heart) made her hubby or kids some other food than what she was eating for a meal. How much energy must that take? To make them another food on top of her food and then get tempted to eat that unhealthy food and try to fight that temptation? Healthy food is healthy for everyone.
I have a strong personality and would not have a problem telling my husband that it's insulting to me for him to expect me to make two types of meals each night. Sometimes I have to say things like that very clearly to my husband ("It really upsets me when you ___ because it makes me feel __"), though luckily he dropped any picky eating issues before I met him, so food is a non-issue. I think it's Dr. Phil who says that people treat us the way we let them know they can treat us. Dr. Phil and I don't always see eye to eye, but I think that statement has some truth; people will sometimes get away with treating you as poorly as you will let them. I think that happens sometimes--probably unconsciously in some cases--where wives are making two meals for one family each night. Husbands who don't understand where I might be coming from need to read The Seven Principles for a Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, a great book. I love the book partly because it holds men responsible for recognizing all the various (often unnoticed) contributions women make to sustaining the marriage. (Wives can use it, too. My husband and I think it was the best marriage book we read for setting up our relationship well and correcting missteps we were making.) My husband and I recommend that book to nearly everyone and give copies to all our engaged friends; that's how much we believe in it!
Women who are either watching kids all day or coming home from work and making dinner deserve respect and appreciation for their efforts, not extra demands. And I really believe healthy works for everyone. Those are my two cents, anyway.
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