C25K Update

I ran 27 minutes straight today.

C25K Update

I did one day of Wk. 6, Day 1, and two days of Wk. 6, Day 2. Day 2 was running 10 minutes (about a mile), walking 3 minutes, and then running 10 more minutes. The first day I did it, it was really hot, and I had some difficulty. Today, it was hard, but I just did it. It was awesome and strange to be out there today knowing I was running about a mile at a time when 8 weeks ago I couldn't run even a minute! I'm going to wait two days until starting Day 3 of Week 6 . . . and from then on out, I will only be running, not walking anymore (except for warm-up and cool-down, of course), starting with 25 minutes at a time.

Crazy!

I have to start waking up earlier to go out. Even at sunset it's really warm in Georgia right now, and though I was raised here, I don't love the heat, and if it's hot when I run, I feel ill easily. I'm hoping I'll keep adjusting to the heat as I get better at running. But I'm also going to have to start waking up early to make time for it in the mornings on a regular basis, I think.

A Momentous Day

(Thanks, Google Earth! We were able to measure the route of my 20-min. run and then add my warm-up and cool down to it . . . so here's a photo of my path!)

I did it. I ran 20 minutes straight this morning. Twice on my curvy path of my run, I ran into my best friend, who was also doing her C25k run (she's on an earlier week), and she ran with me for a minute each time. That was good because talking to her (and realizing I could talk while running my 11th and 15th minutes) was good support for me to keep going.

TWENTY MINUTES! And I could have run 21, possibly more. I can't say it was fun, exactly, but it gave me a feeling of accomplishment. And it was/is really cool to the feel of my muscles shifting into different gears for uphill and downhill run. It's fun in the same way it's fun to admire how your car engine feels shifting from one gear to the next. (Cleary, I am a total nerd in this way (among many other ways), but that's perfectly okay. I love driving a stick shift.) I love feeling how things tie together.

At the end of my run, when the beep to stop surprised me because I thought I had 1-2 minutes more, I was thinking of what's next. A fire truck went by with its siren screaming, and I thought about joining a volunteer fire department some day. I thought about being in good enough shape for something like that to be a possibility. Then I thought:

I can never again let myself get out of the habit of engaging the physical side of me.

As a person who tends to be very intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally based, those are the elements of myself that I engage most often in my life: in choosing my work, in getting impassioned, etc. But there is a physical element to me that is interconnected with those other elements, and when I remember that and give the physical part of me reign sometimes, I am a happier, healthier, more successful person.

Week 6, Day 1 will mean going back to alternating running and walking before committing to only running from then on. I am so excited now to know that I really can do it!

C25K Update . . . and a bit more

I did Day II of Week 5 again yesterday, and it was fine. It was hard, but it was fine! I could certainly feel my muscles working on the running sections, and I was slightly sore, but it was nothing worth stopping me. I ran two 8-minute segments with the end of the last one being a pretty steep incline. Talk about talking yourself through it! But I did it, and I'm very proud of that fact.

I realized this morning that I actually only have to do 20 minutes (ha! only . . . 20 minutes) once this week before dropping down to a lower level for the beginning of next week. I guess that's to push my muscles and then rest them some? In any case, I'm planning to do that on Wednesday, weather willing, and then move on to Week Six.

Do you know what? This was so cool to me. The skills I'm developing in C25K and with my healthy eating attitudes are paying off in other ways. Let me share. . . .

A few years ago, I developed a case of acrophobia (fear of heights), and it's never gone away. I went from being a fearless adolescent to being a very fearful adult rather suddenly. My parents had a very sudden separation and then a long, horrible divorce. My financial world fell apart. My emotional world fell apart. It seemed like I was just waiting for the next bad thing to happen. Then I got sick, several times, and then it turned out I had cancer. Then my first fiance and I broke up. Of course, plenty of good things happened in the meantime, but what it felt like was I was just holding my breath waiting for the next earthquake. I've let a lot of that go, but the fear of heights has stayed with me. When we were in Oregon on vacation, we were crossing, on foot, a bridge that was high over a rushing river. I felt woozy glancing down. I clung to the railing with each step. I had wanted to stop to take photos, but suddenly I felt like I couldn't do anything but be afraid. Then I thought (as I have used with foods I have craved but haven't really desired), "What if I just don't?" Only this time, I meant, "What if I just don't let myself be afraid?" And suddenly, I wasn't. I was able to look down, look up, walk without holding the railing, and take a great photo of my husband on the bridge. I was so excited that my diet trick worked. It's so basic . . . yet it worked.

The other thing is that I have decided to develop 3-4 blogs simultaneously for the next year to year-and-a-half. I am going to do them more professionally than I have done any blogging. I'm excited about it, and I find it a bit overwhelming. When I feel overwhelmed, it's easy to just STOP thinking about whatever is overwhelming me and do nothing. Today, instead, I thought, "Why don't I break this down the way C25K breaks down running? I can do anything in little pieces." So I emailed a very successful blogger I know to get some advice, and I broke through the paralysis.

What I find so completely refreshing and exciting about all of this is that I have never found losing weight contributing anything except resent-able restrictions on my life. With this path, instead, I really am learning to take care of myself and to move toward my goals slowly, with purpose and pleasure.

Meals for One (or Two)

I have five minutes until I get dressed to go for my run, my first run in a week since I didn't run on my vacation. This is going to be interesting, I have a feeling. . . . But I'm going to do it. I'll feel better once I've done it.

I went to Borders today, looked at a couple of great new cookbooks and came up with a plan for the meals I'm making this week . . . meals for one, except for the night one of my friends is in town visiting, and even then the meal could have been for one. When my husband is gone for a few days, I often eat out every night or nearly every night while he's gone. Our grocery budget, divided by 1 instead of 2, allows that. However, it's not the best way to go as far as taking care of myself, and taking time and energy to take care of myself is the name of the game these days. So check back each night this week, and I'll post a photo and recipe of what I've made that night. I'm worth a tasty, healthy home-cooked meal all on my own.

Back on track and a tasty vegetarian meal

Have I mentioned I can totally do this? Because I can. When I keep a positive attitude and don't let a bad day or three throw me off, I'm alright. I know what to do; it's just a matter of keeping it up.

I've been considering making videos of how to make some of the easier meals that I make. Would that help any of you be more committed to cooking meals full of healthy foods? For those of you who don't cook or do cook but are scared to experiment, what would help you be more comfortable and adventurous? You'd get to watch me lose weight in the course of videos. . . . That could be interesting for me, anyway! One of my friends mentioned this weekend she panics, basically, when she sees words she does not know in a recipe and just does not use that recipe. I wish everyone could enjoy cooking like I usually do--it can be such a centering pleasure--and I want to help people with that however I can.

I just finished pumping up my ball, so I'm going to do some exercises this morning with that and my resistance bands. I should stop typing for a minute and go take some meds for cramps. . . . Okay, let's hope I feel better now in a few minutes.

After I try out my various exercises with the ball and resistance bands, I'll post what I'm doing since some of you asked about that.

Oh, interestingly, I have noticed in the past couple of days that I am able to stretch a lot further than when I started stretching before running six weeks ago. (Can you believe it's been six weeks now? That's crazy!)

Another bonus is that I am developing crazy ab muscles! I keep making my husband feel them. (He always obliges me.) They are still under a layer of fat for the most part, but it's nice to feel how different I am becoming. Lifting your legs to run is a great core work-out, I've learned.

I found a picture of me from the fall that demonstrates how I looked at my recent highest weight. It's a physical picture, not a digital one, but I'm going to scan it soon to keep a record, I think. I don't think I still have any photos of me at my truly highest weight, which was about 40 pounds higher than I am now. (40 pounds!)

As I stayed home from work yesterday, I had plenty of time to make dinner last night. I made a much more elaborate meal than I would usually consider making on weeknights. I set stuff up to marinate, went for my run, came home and bathed, and finished the meal.

This is what I made (nearly every ingredient was organic, and the produce was local):

I peeled, chopped, and blanched (boiled and then plunged into ice-cold water) a couple of golden beets for about 8 minutes, adding a couple of peeled, chopped turnips the last four minutes.

I peeled and chopped several carrots. I tossed the carrots and the cooled-off beet/turnip mixture into a big plastic bag. I added some herbes de provence, garlic-and-herbs Mrs. Dash, a tablespoon or so of olive oil, and a couple of grinds of salt and pepper. I sealed the bag and spread the marinade around by lightly pressing together and shaking the contents of the bag. i stuck it in the fridge to marinate.

I chopped up a block of tempeh and put it in a smaller plastic bag. Then I stirred together some molasses, Bragg's amino acids (a soy sauce substitute), a bit of vegetarian Worcestershire sauce, some grated peel of a tangelo, and the juice of the tangelo. I poured that mixture into the tempeh bag and squished it all together. I stuck it in the fridge to marinate.

I sliced the ends off of fennel (I should have cut off a bit more and left just the bulbs--this was my first time cooking fennel, which has a mild licorice-like taste, delicious though I don't like licorice), doused it in a bit of olive oil, salt, and pepper, and stuck it in another plastic bag in the fridge.

I put some rainbow chard in a big bowl of water to soak some of the dirt off.

I went for my run--Day 2 of Week 5 (I'm repeating Week 5's days for a while). It was a really hard day for running. But running 8 minutes at a time rocks to be able to do!

When I got home, I preheated the oven to 400 degrees. Then I took a quick bath.

While I was in the bath, my husband chopped a yellow onion for me and put it in a bit of olive oil on low heat in a non-stick pan.

I sprayed two cookie sheets with non-stick cooking spray. I dumped the turnip/beet/carrot mix on one and put the fennel bulbs on the other. I put the turnip mix in the oven for about 40 minutes; ten minutes later, I added the fennel.

I stirred and covered the onions. Then I rinsed the chard off and tore it into bite-size pieces, dropping it into a bowl as I went.

I added about a tablespoon of brown sugar to the onions and stirred that in. The onions were caramelizing at this point.

With ten minutes before the veggies were going to be done roasting, I put water on to boil in a non-stick pan to make enough grits for two people.

When the water was boiling, I added a dash of salt and the grits to it. I stirred the grits in well.

I threw the chard into the onion mix, turned the heat up to medium, stirred the onions and chard together, and put a lid on that pan.

I heated another eye on the stove to med-high heat and, when it was hot, tossed in the tempeh, which cooked quickly.

I stirred the grits, grated a bit of sharp cheese, and added the cheese and a teaspoon of butter to the grits. I added a dash of my ever-present Lawry's seasoning salt (ooh, a recipe to make your own here) and a few grinds of pepper. (Grits--a Southern US staple which are a whole-grain version of corn meal, basically--are ready to eat in 5-7 minutes, depending on how thick you want them.)

I pulled the roasted veggies out of the oven to finish the prep.

To serve, I put the grits in two bowls, topped them with the roasted vegetables, put the chard/onion mix on that, and topped that with the tempeh.

Then I drizzled a very small amount of truffle oil around the edges of the bowls. I have eaten truffle oil in restaurants but never cooked with it before. It is amazingly rich and wonderful. If you are trying to be careful of your fat consumption, I encourage you to use a small amount of truffle oil in savory foods that you want to be rich. It made a huge difference in the meal.

The end result was rather pretty.


I loved the grits, roasted veggies, fennel, and chard/onion mix; the grits were rich and creamy, the roasted veggies were earthy and slightly bitter, and the chard/onion mix was earthy but sweet from the caramelized onions. I thought the tempeh was a little too sweet. I also had given myself way too much food in my bowl, so I only ate about half of it. My husband really liked it all, including the tempeh; he ate part of what I had left in my bowl.

This recipe used a good bit of oil but did not have much fat otherwise, and nearly all of the ingredients were healthy, so I consider the meal a success. It was beautiful and delicious--just what you want from a healthy meal.

Trying to explain what I've been trying to do

Here's part of a chat I had with my best friend, who has recently moved down the street from me (like when we were kids! only in a different city) and started C25K. The chat illuminates part of what I've been working on mentally and emotionally since January:

8:32 AM Margaret: i'm still sore

8:34 AM me: yeah

i will feel alright

8:35 AM and even be okay walking

and then the first running step i take

i can feel the soreness

not like shin splints

but very mild similar pains
not enough to keep me from going

but you also moved this weekend--is your upper body sore?

Margaret: yep, but my legs are the worst

8:36 AM they are very heavy

me: hmmm

i wonder if you pushed yourself too hard

Margaret: i don't know

i don't really think so

it's not miserable

6 minutes

8:42 AM Margaret: i don't want to not run tomorrow, but ....

7 minutes

8:50 AM me: it's okay not to

the point is to take care of yourself

right?

i mean part of the point is running

but running is about taking care of your body

Margaret: yeah

me: and if taking care of your body means waiting another day

then so be it

8:51 AM you had a very taxing weekend, body-wise

Margaret: that's true, but it would be hard to start again if i stop

me: ah, that's where you have to work on letting go of the perfectionism

just as i have been doing :

:)

8:52 AM waiting an extra day or two is only 'quitting' if you live in a perfect world

and we don't

Margaret: it's not perfectionism i'm worried about it procastination

me: you're not procrastinating if you're in pain

Margaret: i'm very good at that kind of logic

8:53 AM me: it's been very good for me to always try to keep in mind taking care of myself

sometimes the answer is NOT to exercise

and sometimes it is

i don't know

8:54 AM it's working for me, but i can't really explain it beyond that

8:55 AM Margaret: hmmm... i know myself and i can totally logic myself out of working out

me: if you mean that you can justify not working out if you think of it that way, so can i. but i remind myself that if i am bullshitting myself, the only one that suffers is me

Margaret: i mean i can make excuses all day

that's true

me: and that keeps me in check because i am being very honest with myself at all times

or trying to be, at least

Margaret: yeah

8:57 AM me: if you're just beating youself into submission to work out

. . . i guess i've come to see that's no answer in the long run, at least for me

because eventually i'll rebel if i'm 'punishing' myself into shape

but if i'm doing it to take care of myself

8:58 AM there's nothing to rebel against

Margaret: that's very good stuff

hard to get into that mindset

me: yeah, it's definitely a process

i sent you that o magazine article, didn't i? that talked about having empathy for the self?

Margaret: i'll see how i feel tomorrow

8:59 AM and i'll be prepared to go

me: yeah, that's smart, too. because you will probably feel somewhat better tomorrow.

Margaret: yep

me: the other thing is, if i just don't feel like going but don't have a good reason, i just pull on my clothes and get the forward momentum, and then i know i'll be really disappointed in myself if i don't go

so i end up going

Keepin' on keepin' on

The last few days have thrown me off a bit emotionally. The biggest thing was finding out that I am allergic to a huge variety of molds, grasses, animals, trees, etc. *Sigh* My husband and I are trying to figure out what changes to make in our house to deal with that. Because we are careful with money, we have it for things we need it for, so it's not a problem to change things in our apartment. It's just a pain in the butt and requires energy that the allergies are already sapping from me some.

Also, my husband takes the second/last part of his mid-Ph.D. quals exam tomorrow. I am confident he will do well, but I'm still feeling a bit nervous for him. It will be nice to have it over with. He's struggled, somewhat, with preparing for it because of his accident in November. (For those who missed that post, he was crossing a street in a crosswalk when he was hit by a car that was traveling about 35 mph on impact.) He spends 4-5 hours a week in PT and is often exhausted, achy, and/or cold when he's not in PT. So even though he's brilliant (really--he is), getting ready for this test, which is draining under the best of circumstances, has been hard on him.

But in happier news (and that last news WILL be happy when it's over tomorrow, too), I did Day 1 of Week 5 of C25k yesterday. It wasn't easy, but it also wasn't as hard as I was expecting it to be. It helped that it was a bit chilly; I'd rather run in GA cold than GA heat! Week 5 is different than previous weeks because each day is different, and on the third day, you're doing nothing but running! Eek! I am going to stretch Week 5 out a bit and do Day 1 once more before I move on to the next day.

In other happy news . . . I broke my plateau! This is the only time in my life that I have stuck with healthy eating and exercise to break what was basically a three-week plateau. Today, I weighed in at 184.4, which means I am down 19 pounds since January. And it means I'm 4 pounds away from my next goal weight, which means I will be ordering a new bathing suit soon! At 177 pounds, I will have reached my half-way point (I can't believe I'll soon be in the 170's! That's marvelous!), which means I get a bigger reward. I'm thinking about looking into tooth bleaching. I know some people think tooth bleaching is completely superficial, and certainly, it is superficial, but after I had braces for four years in high school, my teeth were no longer as white as they could be. They've seemed dingy to me ever since then. It's funny, because I sure don't notice other people's teeth, so I doubt they notice mine. But it bothers me a bit, and rewards are about things I wouldn't normally buy myself, so I want to look into it. I think it might be more money than I want to pay.

This weekend, I learned that I have fit back into three pairs of pants I wore in college. That's really exciting! I'm back in clothes that I haven't worn since I had my first surgery for ovarian cancer (which changed the shape of the front of my body and left a ridge of scar tisue in my abdomen). I freecycled a variety of size 16 dresses and shirts. Woo-hoo!

I'm glad I took the time this morning to write this post. I was feeling a bit crappy emotionally, but now I'm excited. I love being able to share with y'all; it keeps me accountable, and in general, it feels great to share with people who understand.

Day 5, Wk 4, C25K

I've done two more days of week 4. I'm still not feeling super-confident, but I was able to do them in completion, so I'm going to move on to Week 5!

I went to an exercise store in Atlanta where a personal trainer was very kind in helping me get resistance bands and an exercise ball. I feel self-conscious going into stores that are solely about exercise, but he was very helpful and genuine. If you're in the Atlanta area, check out Fitness Resource in Buckhead if you need something they offer--it's fitness equipment only, from low-tech to high-tech.

Now I have to develop a work-out for my arms with my new equipment! Not that it has anything to do with any of my ultimate goals, but I'm in a wedding 8 weeks from now, and it will be nice to firm up my arms some to go along with the rest of my slimmer profile in my bridesmaid dress!

Day 3, Wk. 4, C25k

I went for my run/walk this morning about 7:30 a.m. (Yes, it made me late for work. I called and left a message to let my boss know I'd be late. Not a big deal--I'm working all sorts of extra hours right now.) It was so cool that I felt a bit chilly until I got my blood pumping with my first run. I was definitely breathing easier with no early morning smokers in the park, no high-humidity/high-smog conditions, and the pollen having been slightly tamped down out of the air by a light mist. I managed to finish Day 3 with no problems: no cramping; no stitches; no being entirely, desperately out of breath.

However . . . I still feel like I need to strengthen my ability to do this level before I move on, so I'm going to continue the Week 4 routine (5-min. stretch, 5-min. warm-up walk, 3-min. run, 90-sec. walk, 5-min. run, 2.5-min. walk, 3-min. run, 90-sec. walk, 5-min. run, 5-min. cool-down walk--whew, that's complicated, good thing I have my mp3 timing it for me) for anywhere from an additional day to an additional week--until I feel more confident about my abilities at this level.

And I'm definitely going to try to go out in the mornings . . . albeit a bit earlier than today. I can't get going too early, because it won't be light outside, but 7 a.m. should work fine right now.

Oh, and I went shopping a couple of days ago for a couple of new work shirts, as the ones I own are getting too big for me. I bought two shirts and wore one of them yesterday. Our small office was abuzz with people asking me about my weight loss; apparently, it's very obvious when I wear stuff that's more fitted than my old clothes!

Changing

I did Day 2 of Week 4 of C25k last night. I waited a half hour later than I have been going out, and that was a good idea; it was a bit cooler going out at 7:30. (I live in the Southern US, so 'sunset' technically is something like 8 p.m. right now, and it stays somewhat light until 8:30 or so. I exercise in the park, so road traffic is only a concern on my way there and back.)

Honestly, Day 2 of Week 4 was hard for me. I got a stitch in my side with my first 5-minute run--despite me running slowly and trying to breathe deeply-- and eventually I put my mp3 player on pause and walked/deep-breathed it off. Then I started running again. I did manage both 3-min. runs and the second 5-min. run with no stopping. I am going to try (*try*) exercising in the morning before work tomorrow to see if an earlier, cooler, less smoggy start (Atlanta has terrible smog when it gets hot/humid) helps me out. If tomorrow's run/walk is as difficult as yesterday's, then I'm going to do Week 4 over again. It is easy for me to feel anxious, frustrated, or competitive with myself for not being able to skip straight to Week 5. I am taking time to remind myself that this is a journey toward being able to run, not a competition!

Doing C25k is good for me in that way. I remind myself I'm learning to do something that I'm not good at. There are many things I won't be instantly good at that I want to try. This is the first one I can remember in a long while where I am recognizing I'm not good at it and gradually working toward the goal of doing it better without getting frustrated or flustered to the point of giving up. What will I try next? I'm not sure, but I guarantee you I'm on a roll.

For some reason, I have kept putting off getting a trainer for upper-body work. Now the end of the semester isn't terribly far away, and I can only buy sessions through the end of the semester at my husband's school. I'm considering not getting a trainer and buying resistance bands and a ball to use at home instead. I wanted a trainer to help me exercise in the park, but the heat and pollen (high pollen count = 120, pollen count in Atlanta yesterday =5300) are making being outside not terribly enjoyable. So now I think I would like to do stuff at home. I want to do things that don't require going to the gym at all, so I've been researching at-home, weight-less exercise. I'm thinking some plyometrics, some exercises that use my own weight and gravity (like push-ups), and some resistance work-outs would be a good upper-body combination. Until I get through C25k, I don't need any additional work-outs for my lower half. My core has been amazingly strengthened by running--I can't believe my hard obliques!--and will also be supplemental support for the upper-body stuff I'm looking at.

I have realized something important in this process of learning to run. Ladies, some of you will understand how major this is. I have realized that if I am going to be someone who works out regularly, if I am going to be some kind of athlete, I have to take care of my body to the point of giving up some of my shoes. During the workweek, it's not unusual for me to wear shoes that have stretched out to be slightly too big (I hold them in place by occasionally tensing my toes or some such--which I didn't even realize till recently) or that pinch my foot a little, or something like that. But if I go to exercise after wearing those shoes, my feet are, of course, still uncomfortable from the shoes I had on. That's not cool. It looks like I'll be purging my closet this weekend. This is not a small thing: we are talking about some of my most beloved shoes. My husband is in awe of the fact that I'm considering giving up my favorite red clog Doc Marten's, which are, these days, a smidge too big, and slide around on my feet a bit in a way that's not entirely comfy for much walking. But I'm thinking about giving up those shoes and probably half a dozen or a dozen others because part of this whole weight-loss thing, and part of this whole exercise thing, and part of this whole becoming-a-better-me thing is realizing that I want to take good care of myself in every way possible. I mean, really--I've recently started flossing every night, and I hate flossing. It's the same thing, at heart, the rest of this: I want to be a happy, healthy me, the me that is nurtured; and that means doing things that ultimately take good care of me even if they are not the easiest to do initially or in the short term or even if they change my life a bit or alter my relationships with some people or whatever. I'm taking time for me and making energy for me in a variety of ways, getting healthier as I go. No one else can nurture me if I don't nurture myself.

There are times in life when things are falling apart and you do what you can to hold them together. You cling for dear life. You grudgingly make whatever changes you have to make to keep going. It's all a struggle, and you are brave for just making it through the best you can. Then there are times in life when things are coming together for you, and you can either sit complacently or take those times for all they're worth. I'm in one of the latter times now: figuring out grad school plans, working on a great relationship with my husband, calming down my complex relationship with money (a subject due its own long post, whenever I manage to finish the one I've started), simplifying my life so that what is really important to me is in the forefront and what society tells me should be important isn't as prevalent in my mind. I want to take this time for all it's worth and make some big strides towards the person I want to be . . . even though it's not easy to do that.

When it got hard for me yesterday on my second 5-min. run, I pictured the little girl I was when I was three. When I was three, I loved my tricycle. I cycled my bright red tricycle everywhere I could: I was a tricycle speed demon. I was full of energy. I was full of possibility. "I'm coming home," I told the little girl in my head. "I'm getting back to the you you thought you'd be."

Weekly Weigh-In & C25K Update

I'm down another .8 pounds--woo hoo! I'm hoping maybe my drop will be slightly bigger this week. I'm itching to get down to my next goal (180) so that I can buy myself a new bathing suit. It'd be awfully handy to get to that weight in time to get my suit for the wedding I'll be attending on Florida's coast the first weekend of June.

I finished Week 3 of C25k and did Day 1 of Week 4 yesterday. I think I am going to try switching to mornings (pre-breakfast, pre-work) for my runs as apparently in spring our city's largest park turns into an mj haven in the evenings. Combine clouds of smoke, smog, high heat, and humidity, and you get one gaspy veggie paparazzo. Still, I made it through the first day of Week 4 . . . until the last 30 seconds. I got a stitch in my side that didn't want to leave, and I walked the last 30 seconds of my last run. I was a bit disappointed and had to remind myself I'm really doing well.

Because really . . . REALLY . . . I still ran HALF A FREAKING MILE at a time.

And tomorrow, I plan to run every bit of the running part.

I CAN do this. And that's pretty damn awesome.

Tasty, light salad

This weekend I was having one of my times of anxiety that come up occasionally as I eat healthfully without trying to count anything in the process. I was back to the Can I really actually do this? train of thought for a couple of days there. I went a bit overboard last week/over the weekend with what I ate, because we ate out a lot. It's okay to eat out and choose whatever you feel like occasionally--to eat what sounds tasty to you without any regard for how it will affect your healthfulness. But if you want to lose weight, it's not okay to do that three or four nights in a week!

But that was a different week, and I'm back in the zone this week with a variety of tasty, healthy meals planned.

I had had a rather rich, high-calorie lunch today, and I knew I was going to make a late dinner because I was going to do my second day of Week 3 on C25k, and I need to wait at least three hours after eating anything for me to do the running parts. I felt very worn out today, as it's the first day of my period. I spent the morning at work with cramps; by the afternoon, I was just tired. My husband (bless his heart--he's pretty clueless about grocery shopping) went to the store for me to buy our weekly groceries, and I geared up to do my C25k outing even though I was tired. I knew if I could go out and do it today, it was making a statement about me progressing towards a goal even when it's not easy. And I did it! I even realized I could have (if I'd had to) run a bit farther than I did. As it is, I'm up to over 1/4 mi on my 3-minute runs. To some of you, I'm sure that sounds like nothing, but for me, it's huge! Huge and not even horrendously hard.

In any case, I decided to make us a light dinner of a salad. If you're eating dinner at 8:30 at night and tend to go to bed around 10 p.m., you don't need a heavy meal. Here's what I made.


First, I made our dressing so that the flavors had time to meld a bit. As I believe I've mentioned on here, I'm recovering from a really bad case of interstitial cystitis, and while I have healed a good bit, I am still not able to eat normal vinaigrettes and may never be. Fortunately, I've actually discovered that you can make great dressings with no vinegar, so if you are someone who has a stomach or bladder or other body part that doesn't agree with highly acidic foods, you may want to try some of my dressings. They are acidic, but much more mildly so than normal dressings (especially 'light' dressings, which usually means they've cut the amount of oil and jacked up the acid). I couldn't have eaten even this dressing six months ago without a lot of pain, but I am happy to say I can now.

So--the dressing: we have a thyme plant in our tiny little interior herb garden (no sense in paying lots of money for small amounts of herbs that are easy to grow indoors), so I pulled off maybe a teaspoon of leaves, washed them, and sauteed them for about a minute with a few tablespoons of olive and canola oil. Then I turned off the burner and let that sit for a while to let the thyme release its flavor into the oil. I took a break to wash the salad leaves and prepare the other salad parts. Then I combined a handful of raspberries, 1 heaping tsp. of dijon mustard (with seeds in it), 1 tsp. honey, and the thyme-y oil in the blender. I threw in a little bit of red grapefruit juice fresh from the grapefruit I was tearing up. I blended it all together until the ingredients were well-mixed and foamy. My husband commented that the color reminded him of a milkshake or smoothy, but the taste, as he agreed with an "Mmmmm," was all dressing. When I make it again, I'll add just a dash of salt to the mix. I poured that into an old, washed-out jar I'd saved; I keep dressing in the fridge, with a lid on it, for up to a week after I make it.

I pulled sections out of a grapefruit we'd gotten from our CSA. I toasted walnut pieces in a dry pan with a small bit of brown sugar tossed in to stick to the nuts right at the end. I tossed together two types of lettuce from our CSA with the grapefruit, the toasted walnuts, the raspberries I hadn't used in the dressing, and a bit of feta cheese.

I put the dressing on it at the end and tossed it together as I served it into our individual bowls. We had exactly two servings of it (go me), though my husband loved it so much he said he would have liked another helping. The sweet/salty/tangy combination of flavors was really wonderful together.

I Did It! Vol. II, Issue 1 ;)

I did the first day of week 2 of C25k today! I ran NINETY SECONDS at a time, and that is so freaking awesome! After my fourth 90-sec run, I got the strange cramps in my lower abdomen again (though not as severely), so I put my mp3 player on pause and walked pretty slowly for a couple of minutes until they had subsided. Then I picked up where I'd left off and finished that sucker.

It definitely was hard. And I had taken medicine last night that was giving me cotton mouth today (like what happens when you're on morphine, if you've ever had surgery--though the med I was on is nothing like morphine!), so I spent nearly the whole time with a painfully dry mouth and dry throat. (Note to self: bring water just in case from now on.) I thought about quitting today with the dry mouth, the cramps, and the unusually hot day we were having that was making me feel uncomfortably warm. But then I thought about coming back and how it would feel not to have finished--about telling my husband, about telling y'all--and I got my butt in gear and just did it. It wasn't impossible, just hard.

The other issue for me today was that the park was absolutely packed . . . truly, absolutely packed. I had to get over the idea of hundreds or thousands of people throughout the park chilling on blankets while watching me huff and puff (though already my huffing and puffing is less than it was last week). I just did it. Kept my head up, concentrated on my form, and just did it. You can never be an athlete if you don't take the steps athletes take. And I do want to be an athlete.

I used new songs this week and had my husband show me how to set up the beeps in the program he wrote so I would know when to start and stop running. I put U2's "Beautiful Day" as the song in the very middle of my run/walk, thinking I might need some propping up then. And it did the job beautifully. I love that song.

I have a couple of great meals to post for y'all tomorrow--one of which is vegan--so be on the look-out if you're recipe-hunting.

Weekly Weigh-In & Exercise Explanation

I'm down 15 pounds total now since Jan. 1st! Woo-hoo! That also means that I'm over halfway towards my first goal of 28 pounds by May 28--a goal that was intended as a guideline, not something to fixate on . . . but which may turn out to be attainable! I ordered a bridesmaid dress for a June wedding in a 14, and it should at least fit me well now, if not be a little big. I'm certainly not going to complain if I have to get it taken in.

I have a new shirt in a size medium that fits me. Yes, it's a fluke--I would normally be in the large size range, especially given my 36DDD boobs. But I'll take it. It's a cute shirt, anyway, and I've gotten lots of compliments on it. (I gotta tell you I think a company could make a lot of money selling clothes that were sized a bit larger. If a woman who's normally in a 12 can fit in a 10, I'm guessing she's more likely to buy.) I also tried on a pair of 16 jeans that I possibly could have pulled off of me--they were that loose zipped and buttoned. I found another pair of 16's that are a lot smaller and fit me well; I bought those. (I was at a discount store, so things are entirely hit-and-miss size-wise. I got a pair of Michael Kors jeans for I think $30.)

Someone emailed me to ask about the Couch-to-5k program. As I believe I've mentioned before, I tried a similar plan when I was in college and failed to do it. But this time, there have been a few differences: I was already getting cardio for at least half an hour almost daily with my long walks, I bothered to go to a running store and get expensive shoes that actually fit my gait and foot pecularities, and I have my mp3 player--thanks to my husband's computer-geeky ways--set up to beep when I need to switch from running to walking and back to running again. Those three things have all made a big difference. Thanks to the global warming of the past 20 years or so, Atlanta is much more pleasant for exercise in February and March than it was when I was a kid (nice for me right now, bad for everyone in the long term), so exercising outdoors now is easy. About the middle of May, it will suddenly be up in the 90's with very high humidity, and I will constantly feel like I'm melting into a puddle.

I tried out my new Enell sports bra that I bought from Two Roads Fitness (an online store for women's fitness products--my stuff shipped very quickly with great customer service). That sports bra kicks ass. It keeps my boobs strapped in, comfortably, even with running. It's pricey but I highly recommend it. It's awesome.

I use Cool Running's Couch-to-5k program. I'm working on adding in appropriate stretching. If you don't have a computer-geeky husband, I would encourage you to utilize a podcast that tells you when to switch from walking to running and back. If you want me to send you my version with the beeps in place, email me at veggiepaparazzo at gmail dot com.

Week 2 starts tomorrow, and I'm really excited! I've also signed up to have a personal trainer create upper body exercises I can do at the park to supplement my work-outs on my not-running days. I need to go pay the fee and then I should have someone helping me!

I Did it, Vol. III, and a tasty lunch

Ladies (and the occasional gentleman), I did it, I did it! I did my third run/walk of Week 1 of C25k--AND it didn't even get difficult to do until I got to the sixth section of my run. I'm so excited! Week 2, here I come.

I told my husband's sister--who has recently worked up to running a 10k--and she asked me what 5k I'm going to do. I said, I guess I should pick one that's right after the last week of my training! So I'll be checking up on that now.

I got home from my run/walk psyched to eat a healthy lunch, too, so I ate some leftover curry tofu salad.

After having a lovely curried chicken salad at West Egg (we were there so that I could sample their tasty–but not perfect–cupcakes) last weekend, I decided that I would try to make a curried tofu salad at home this past week.

I froze a block of extra-firm tofu and then thawed it in the microwave. That process firms up tofu for some reason. Then I pressed the tofu with our giant bamboo cutting board for a while to get out more of the moisture.

I sliced purple organic grapes in half; chopped two very large, not very strong green onions (from our CSA–the biggest green onions I’ve ever seen); toasted some walnut pieces; and tossed all of that together with lots of curry powder, some Greek yogurt, a little Lawry’s seasoning salt, a few grinds of pepper, a tiny bit of sugar, and a small amount of light mayonnaise.

I sliced up the tofu and stirred it in. Then I realized I needed lots more yogurt and curry powder, so I tossed more in . . . twice.

After leaving the salad in the fridge for an hour or so, I stuffed some pitas (slightly warmed in the microwave to prevent breakage) with some CSA butter lettuce, sliced tomatoes, and the tofu salad.

In the end, I really liked the flavors, especially today after they’d melded a bit. But I don’t love the consistency of the tofu I used . . . not sure if I should have cooked it, shouldn’t have frozen it, or what.

We also ate oranges that came in our CSA order; our CSA is low on their late-winter produce and is waiting for their spring produce to be ready, so they had to supplement with some organic produce from Florida. The juice oranges we got were absolutely incredible.

There's my mp3 player in the picture after I finished my work-out.

Feel free to share any suggestions for alterations to the salad.

I Did It, Vol. II

Week I, Run/Walk 2 of C25k completed!

In my sixth walk after my sixth run, I got a stitch in my side. I put my mp3 player on pause and walked while breathing deeply until the stitch evaporated. I started to feel disappointed in myself at that turn of events, but I reminded myself that the point of all of this is to get healthier, not to hold myself up to some ridiculous standard. I'm always telling you guys to be positive about steps you take, even if they aren't perfect (because when are we perfect, really?), so I applied it to myself and felt better.

Right as I was done, I felt like I might be about to get the low pelvic cramps I mentioned, so I sat down on a bench for a couple of minutes and breathed deeply before walking home.

But I did it!

I'm going to take two days off, I think (though I will do some sort of exercise), and finish the run/walks this week on Saturday. We'll see how sore I am tomorrow.

When I got home and stripped for my loving husband to go wash my sweaty clothes for me, I had him feel my outer thigh while I flexed it, and he was so impressed at how hard it is getting.

I Did It!

I did it, and one of the only ways I got through it was to think how I could go home and write to all of you with a post title exclaiming that I did it.

I did the first day of the Couch-to-5k. It was hard, but it didn't kill me. My new running shoes definitely helped.

I told my husband that I was really impressed by the podcast of music for the Couch-to-5k that Robert Ullreys put together, but that I didn't love the music (electronica/techno-type stuff). So my sweet husband wrote a little program to create a version of it just for me: an mp3 of songs I picked with a little high tone going off each time I should switch from walking to running and a low tone going off when I should switch back to walking. It's great to have music I love and not have to try to keep up with when I should make the switch from 60-second runs to 90-second walks this week. Now my best friend wants a copy of it so she can do C25k herself! In line with my eclectic music tastes, I have on my set Rascall Flatts, Jewel, Jimmy's Chicken Shack, Lauryn Hill, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Ice Cube, Indigo Girls, REO Speedwagon, and a song from the musical Rent. I used old mp3's I finished downloading several years ago. I just wanted fairly fast-tempo songs to keep me going.

The runs were hard--no lie, they were. But I thought, "I can do this, I can do this," and got some endorphins going that way. As I mentioned previously, I psyched myself up by picturing coming home and being able to tell y'all I'd done it. And I thought about the little girl who turned into me--the girl who loved to ride her bike everywhere, who played outside all the time, who kicked ass in basketball, but who got chubby and then got no support at PE in school even when she beat nearly all the boys in a running competition. . . . I thought of that little girl and who she expected to be when she grew up, and I ran to become more like that person. Someone still in love with her body's capabilities. Someone I am becoming.

The only problem, really, was that at the end of it, I got terrible cramps in the area of my bladder and/or uterus. Strange problem, right? It happens to me sometimes after a lot of physical exertion, and I think it's related to oxygen, because if I sit still and breathe deeply for a few minutes, the cramps stop. While they are going on, they are really horrible and make me feel like I am going to either pass out or throw up--but they are not a side stitch or stomach cramps. I feel light-headed and shaky. Then I stop, sit, and breathe, and they pass. I think they may be related to the fact that I've had two major surgeries in that area of my body; I know I had some complications from surgery (as many people do), and I'm wondering if oxygen flow to that area doesn't function particularly well when I am highly exerting myself. I'm not sure what to do about it except hope it doesn't happen until I'm done with a workout and have my cell phone to call my husband to pick me up if it gets unbearable.

But in any case, I'm proud of myself for getting it done today!

A hard day's week

I am so worn out. Besides having my mega-cold this week, I worked 13-hour days on Tuesday and Wednesday--on top of my normal 40-hour workweek, I mean.

I haven't been sleeping well because of my cold. I'm either stuffed-up or dehydrated at any time.

Thursday, I took half of a day off to go to a neurologist with one of my friends; due to my extensive experiences with medical crap, I'm the go-to person with my friends when they need someone to go with them and make sure they're heard. Unfortunately, the doctor did not hear her or me, really, though he did at least agree to run tests that he thinks are unnecessary. Why is dealing with medical crap so hard to do? I absorb the emotions of people around me--something I have to be careful about--and my friend was so, so incredibly upset. Today she got worse news: basically, her job wants her to go on disability or get fired. But it's difficult for her to do disability unless she gets a diagnosis (all she has is short-term d., anyway), so again I talked to her while she sobbed and sobbed. We feel certain she has MS, but she doesn't have clear enough brain markers yet, I guess. She and her husband cannot afford for her not to have any income, so this is a bad situation.

Last night, we had crazy bad weather, and I was worried about my mother, who was having worse weather where she lives.

Then this morning, I was in traffic on the other side of the interstate from the accident in Atlanta where a bus of college students went over a bridge and killed six people. I'm sure you've heard about it today if you look at national news. Something like that is always horrifying and terribly sad, but anything related to car accidents gets me worse since my husband's accident (he was hit by a car) in November. This afternoon, I drove over where the bus landed--it created grooves in the road--and I literally got chills down my spine.

While I was at work, I had to deal with a very rude person who doesn't understand the purpose of my organization. Nothing major, just irritating on top of everything else.

A major ex-boyfriend--my first love--dropped by to drop off something I need to plan our high-school reunion. That wasn't a bad thing, just strange. "See you in four more years," he joked as he left. He says he never sees me even though we live in the same city--which is true, pretty much. And we were friends for years before we dated. But it's a bit strange for your husband if you're terribly close to the first guy you slept with and whom you dated for longer than you've known your husband.

I drove home with a collective tension headache pounding in my temples.

So I got home and cancelled our evening plans to attend a party. I laced up my new running shoes . . . but my husband wanted to go with me (and he can't run with his injuries) . . . so we went on a walk. But it was a good, fast walk, and I feel somewhat better now.

Tomorrow I will feel more rested and more able to take on the world.

Weigh-in and . . . running??

Well, I'm down .8 pounds this week, which is great. I was concerned I would have a gain after being at my husband's parents' house last weekend, but it didn't happen.

Pulling reserves of determination from within myself, I went--with my husband--to a runners' store near our apartment in Atlanta. I was fitted with running shoes that will work for me as I train up from walking and running to just running. Going to the runners' store made me feel very anxious and somewhat silly at first; as I mentioned before, I don't like doing things when I am not immediately competent at them. I had researched running shoes before I went, but that doesn't make me a runner already (unfortunately!--if only it were that easy). When we got in the store and an employee started helping me, my husband wandered off to look at clearance shoes. I called him back and told him that I was nervous and needed his support. He understood and stayed beside me the rest of the time. The employee who was helping me--a marathon runner herself (which is cool, but which I have no aspiration to ever be)--had me try on various shoes and run the length of the store repeatedly to see how the shoes fit and felt. She noted my gait and arches and, after I tried maybe 8 pairs of shoes with her making various adjustments, we got me fitted in a pair that I love. I was really happy that I was buying Brooks shoes, too, as the company seems like one I can support. I really like this ad (click on the circle) and this ad (love the title of the women's magazine in that!) at they have on their website--not your typical "be a supermodel" or "be a bodybuilder" sports ads. After I bought shoes, I picked out two pairs of (expensive!) socks to try and see whether socks matter to me and, if they do, which kinds I prefer.

I had been thinking about making this leap for a while; what finally sealed the deal was when my husband's sister (who's a year younger than me) went for a 10-mile run while we were up visiting my husband's parents. Ten miles! That's unfathomable to me. I am still so impressed by that. (And yes, I did tell her I found it amazing.) She's been training up to a half-marathon for several months, and you can see the difference in how strong her legs are.

So now I need to start using those pricey shoes and socks. Yesterday I woke up with a cold, and today it's worse. I'm not sure whether or not I feel up to going out for a walk/run with my throat so scratcy and dry. We'll see how I feel later this afternoon. I don't want to unnecessarily put off starting a formal plan, but I also don't want to make myself sicker.

I tried to do Couch to 5k at one point in college (I think after reading about it in Real Simple?), but I could never get myself to break from the walks to just running. I'm hoping one thing that will help me this time is the free podcast series by Robert Ullrey that tells you when to start running and when to switch back to walking as you go along. I also think Couch to 5k is a misnomer, as it would be difficult for someone who is really a couch potato to go out and immediately move his/her body as much as is required in Week 1. I'm hoping my regular long walks will have set me up to be ready to switch to a run/walk and then a run without the difficulty I had last time.

My husband pointed out that they had sports bras on sale at the runners' store, but the largest cup size they covered was a DD. I wear a 36DDD, or F. (Have you ever had your bra size measured? It really changed my life. I thought I was a D before!) I do have two good sports bras from Nordstrom, so I guess I'll be using and regularly washing those!

I'm fortunate to have Piedmont Park two blocks away, so I have a good place to run.

For those of you are who are runners, feel free to offer suggestions/advice/whatever. And of course, I'll take support wherever I can get it!