C25K Update

I ran 29 minutes straight this morning, and honestly, it didn't even get hard until about 20 minutes in. It never got unbearable. (I don't do pain.)

The funny thing is, that run, even though it's the longest I've done, doesn't even feel miraculous anymore. But it is amazing if you compare my health and stamina now to what it was six or nine months ago.

I took a week off of running prior to today--first to recover from an overexertion injury (I also got a massage to help with that, mmmmm), and then because of rain. It actually did drizzle during part of my run today, too, but I ran on anyway.

I think taking a week off is good occasionally. Today, I felt much more rested and recovered when I started my run. The first 10 minutes or so were almost, well, easy, which is crazy.

This was my first day of using an iPod instead of my cute little former mp3 player, may it rest in peace. (The eulogy: it served me well.) Since my husband got an iPhone (his school bought him one), he uses that for music and everything else now, so I get to use his "old" iPod Nano and don't have to worry about buying a new one with the death of my old one. I got a red, wide armstrap from Nike (I don't care about brands, but I did not want a narrow thing that would feel like a tourniquet) to hold the iPod while I ran, and I have to say it served me well. It stayed in place, it was not too constricting, and it sheltered the iPod from the misty downpour. I think the earplugs on the iPhone (I borrowed my husband's) are great; they fit in my ears and block out other noise without hurting my ears like most in-ear headphones do.

I have two weeks until my first 5k (attempt 2, last spring's attempt having turned up to be up the side of a freaking mountain and back down). So I have about .75 mi to increase my run in two weeks for that 5k. Does anyone have any supportive words or stories for me about that kind of increase?

Just a bit farther

As I just emailed one of my friends, I really love running in the early mornings. I hate getting up in the early mornings, as I have never been an early morning person. But there are several factors that make me run in the morning: there's a lower amount of smog then, the weather is cooler, and my stomach is empty or nearly empty without me making any special schedule arrangements for it to be that way. (Running on a half-full or full stomach equals bad cramping problems for me.) When the alarm goes off and I make myself roll out of bed, I usually haven't slept well, and I always think, "I am too tired to do this." But by the time I fasten up my awesome sports bra for women with big boobs and lace up my shoes, I am awake. By the time I am done stretching, I have pumped myself up to go. I get out to the park when it's still dark outside--I can even see a few stars, or, more likely, satellites--but in my first few minutes out there, the bands of gorgeous, muted color that signal sunrise form on the horizon. It's a glorious thing to be outside moving my body through the darkened trees while the sun pulls itself above the horizon.

Yesterday morning when I was running, I decided to push myself to run faster (and therefore farther in my alloted 25 minutes). I was trying to balance pushing myself with not making myself miserable and not pushing myself so hard that I had to walk part of the way. When I got home, I was really excited because of the extra distance that I had traveled. I got my husband to look at Google Earth with me to measure my distance.

And then I was a bit disappointed. I hadn't run as far as I had thought I had. All the curves in the path are tricky, and I'm not good at guessing distances anyway.

My husband was a bit surprised when we discussed it last night over dinner. "But you nearly ran two miles! That's amazing!"

"But I should be running 2.25 now to be on track."

After he asked me how I felt on the run and afterward, I admitted that I feel like I could have pushed myself a bit harder. The problem was, I was afraid of having to switch to walking at some point and then feeling disheartened because of that. But after the run, I was barely sore. (You know, really sore is bad, but a little sore is good indicator of growth.) And today, I can barely tell I ran that hard yesterday.

So tomorrow morning, I am going to push myself a bit harder again and see what happens. I'll still be one of the slowest (if not THE slowest) runner in the park, and that's okay. But I'm going to see if I can do the whole 25 minutes at the pace I started with yesterday. If I have to stop to walk, that's okay; it's a day when I'm testing my limits. If I succeed, I'll know I can get that much of a better workout and get that much closer to my 5k length.

It's one month until my 5k, too! I'm so pumped about that.

In other news, we may move my blog location soon. I've been ruminating on that for a few months. My husband has had two major papers he's been working on for his Ph.D. thesis, but those are both due today, and we may pursue the change once he finishes those.

Way to go, Kim!

I just have to say I am so proud of Kim at Kim Under Construction, who recently ran her first 5k. When my alarm went off so early this morning for me to run, the first thing I pictured was the photo of Kim running in that 5k! It was great motivation.

Busy and RUNNING

I promise I'm not avoiding you! Really!

It's just that I feel like I've been working 90% of the time and trying to recover the other 10%. I felt the pricks of tears forming in my eyes as I told someone yesterday that I will be less busy by January--and then went on to say that what I mean is, if I am not less busy by January, something will have to give. I'm doing what I have to do at work to get things done right now, and some of those are exciting things that are my creations. (And I'm not really working 90% of the time--just feel like it.) But this is unsustainable in the long run.

However--however--I have been determined not to lose my focus on exercising during this period of stress. I ran 25 minutes straight this morning (plus stretching, a 10-min. walking warm-up, and a cool-down walking period), so I am definitely back on track with that! It makes me feel so much better all day when I have gone out and busted my ass with exercise by 7:30 a.m.

My weight has spiked this week with the early arrival of my period. EARLY, for the second month in a row! Not okay. I plan to go to the doctor when it ends, because with the symptoms I get, having a period every third week is unacceptable. I'm going to see if I can use Seasonale without getting depressed. (Most b.c. makes me depressed.) Anyway, my weight spike is not a big one--about 1.5 pounds. It will go away when my hormones calm down. And already my body fat percentage is decreasing again with my runs. I am going to see if I can get up at 6:15 not just to run but also 2-3 other days a week (nearly all 7, then) to work out in my living room before going to work. I want to do arm/chest/upper body stuff to work on more than my legs and core. (Honestly, though, I am surprised by how much I get changes all OVER from running.)

I hope you are all doing well. I need to go take a stroll through some of your blogs.

I'm running again!

Trying to give my life a sense of balance, I created a calendar of things I want to do over the next 16 months. I made the calendar several weeks ago and put "Start running again" under the first week of September. Today was my deadline to start.

Several days ago, I went through the Couch to 5k plan to see where I thought I should try to pick up. I decided to start with week 6--close to where it's running only, but still with intermittent walks in the runs. I wasn't sure how much stamina I had lost since I stopped running in the July heat. I set up my mp3 player with the music and beeps for Run 6A.

Yesterday, in anticipation of the run this morning, I set out my running clothes and shoes on my dresser. I put my mp3 player on top of them. Whenever I saw them, I mentally psyched myself up about going for a run today, and I could feel it working. I felt excited about getting back to that part of my life.

I woke up at 6:30 a.m. The room was dark, and I was disoriented about why the alarm was going off when it was still dark outside. Then I remembered the exercise, and I inwardly groaned. Luckily, my husband has decided he's going to work out at the gym when I run this fall, so as soon as I rolled out of bed, he did too. He turned on the lights and made the bed while I was in the bathroom, so when I got back to put my running clothes on, I felt less tempted to crawl back in bed.

I worked on pumping myself up with positive thoughts this morning. That might sound silly, but I find the frame of mind around exercise can be just as important as the physical elements. "I can do this." "I'm up this morning taking care of myself." Things like those statements were going through my head as I turned on my mp3 player and began stretching.

Ten minutes later, I went outside. I had been worried about the dark, but with streetlights, there was enough light, and there were other people exercising in the park. There was never a time when I couldn't see someone else exercising near me, which was good for safety reasons. A number of homeless people were also present in the park; living in Midtown Atlanta gets me hit up for money regularly, but people leave me alone when I'm running. And anyway, it was early enough that the homeless people were mostly (sadly) stretched out on benches sleeping.

I walked my 10-minute warm-up and then started a slow jog for my first run. After the 5 minutes of the first run were up and my mp3 player beeped for me to switch to a walk, I was amazed at how good I still felt. "I could run more!" I thought excitedly. But I stuck to the program. At the end of my exercise, I actually kept running for a couple of extra minutes and increased my speed a bit.

I'm definitely a bit sore now, but not painfully so. I'm very excited about getting back on track with my running! I am aiming for a 5k at the end of October now to give myself plenty of time to get ready.

For those of you who have been thinking about doing C25k, if you are in the US, you would be hard-pressed to find a better time to start than with the temperature drop of fall. (Atlanta is not cool right now--it's 90 degrees at the moment--and it's very humid. But it's much more comfy than it was even a week ago.) I walked daily for a couple of months before I started C25k, and that gave me a decent base level to start from. I'm excited about finishing the program this time, and with winter in GA being mild, I should be able to keep running through the year. (Until NEXT July, maybe--we'll see.) As I get more fit from running, I also have other fun stuff in my schedule for later, like hiking, weight lifting, rock-climbing, and kayaking. I plan to keep at this program--even if I have to take intermittent breaks for whatever reason--until I am comfortable in my body like I was as a child.

C25K Update and a Party!

First of all: last weekend's 5k. The course was advertised as easy, but it turned out to be up the side of a mountain! (I'm not joking--my running shoes were sliding on the steep inclines.) I made it halfway before I--while very upset--gave up. But my mother, husband, and hard-core-runner sister-in-law all told me that running half of that course was an awesome accomplishment. Still, I'm ready to finish a 5k now. That will be this coming week!

I have a-whole-nother post to write about my life and stress and food and exercise lately. But before that . . .

Last night, my husband and I hosted a “Summer Harvest” party. Each guest was asked to bring a dish or drink that featured locally produced foods. I had asked Dan to take photos, but he was too busy helping me host. We all had a great time, though, eating dinner–slowly working our way through appetizers, then soup, then drinks, then the main course, then dessert–and playing a couple of rounds of Apples to Apples, a very fun party game when people get into it.

Here were our locally inspired items:

Sweetwater Road Trip (Atlanta microbrewery beer)

Mojitos with AL cane syrup (in lieu of simple syrup) and local organic mint leaves

Bruschetta with local organic tomatoes and herbs from our kitchen (windowsill) garden with French bread and Bulger Creek chevre

Sweet Grass Dairy Green Hill cheese with my mother’s triple-berry jam and whole-wheat crackers

Koinonia (South GA) cinnamon/sugar pecans

Yellow pepper soup (a pureed soup with yellow peppers, potatoes, and other ingredients I can’t remember–delicious!)–I forgot to ask my friend Becky which of her ingredients were local

Tofu quiche with local organic broccoli, tomatoes, and herbs and crust made from local buckwheat flour

Tomato/cucumber salad with local organic tomatoes and cucumbers (from the Saturday farmers' market in the town where I grew up!)

A zucchini/squash/garlic medley from my friend Melissa’s garden

Cheesecake with a raspberry sauce

And peach cobbler made with Georgia peaches and a local flour mix crust

We certainly did not feel deprived by eating locally derived foods!

Did you know that food in the US, on average, has traveled over 1500 miles to reach us? That means that the foods we buy in the grocery store have used a lot of gas, created a lot of pollution, and often have required a lot of long-term refrigeration to reach us. Locally produced vegetables and fruits are often higher in vitamin content when they reach us, their short trip times are far less polluting, and their freshness makes them taste a lot better!

If you are interested in finding local food sources near you and you are in the US, I encourage you to visit Local Harvest to check out CSAs (Community Supported Agriculture) and farmers’ markets in your area.

Then you can host the next harvest party. . . .

C25K Update

I ran 27 minutes straight today.

C25K Update

I did one day of Wk. 6, Day 1, and two days of Wk. 6, Day 2. Day 2 was running 10 minutes (about a mile), walking 3 minutes, and then running 10 more minutes. The first day I did it, it was really hot, and I had some difficulty. Today, it was hard, but I just did it. It was awesome and strange to be out there today knowing I was running about a mile at a time when 8 weeks ago I couldn't run even a minute! I'm going to wait two days until starting Day 3 of Week 6 . . . and from then on out, I will only be running, not walking anymore (except for warm-up and cool-down, of course), starting with 25 minutes at a time.

Crazy!

I have to start waking up earlier to go out. Even at sunset it's really warm in Georgia right now, and though I was raised here, I don't love the heat, and if it's hot when I run, I feel ill easily. I'm hoping I'll keep adjusting to the heat as I get better at running. But I'm also going to have to start waking up early to make time for it in the mornings on a regular basis, I think.

A Momentous Day

(Thanks, Google Earth! We were able to measure the route of my 20-min. run and then add my warm-up and cool down to it . . . so here's a photo of my path!)

I did it. I ran 20 minutes straight this morning. Twice on my curvy path of my run, I ran into my best friend, who was also doing her C25k run (she's on an earlier week), and she ran with me for a minute each time. That was good because talking to her (and realizing I could talk while running my 11th and 15th minutes) was good support for me to keep going.

TWENTY MINUTES! And I could have run 21, possibly more. I can't say it was fun, exactly, but it gave me a feeling of accomplishment. And it was/is really cool to the feel of my muscles shifting into different gears for uphill and downhill run. It's fun in the same way it's fun to admire how your car engine feels shifting from one gear to the next. (Cleary, I am a total nerd in this way (among many other ways), but that's perfectly okay. I love driving a stick shift.) I love feeling how things tie together.

At the end of my run, when the beep to stop surprised me because I thought I had 1-2 minutes more, I was thinking of what's next. A fire truck went by with its siren screaming, and I thought about joining a volunteer fire department some day. I thought about being in good enough shape for something like that to be a possibility. Then I thought:

I can never again let myself get out of the habit of engaging the physical side of me.

As a person who tends to be very intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally based, those are the elements of myself that I engage most often in my life: in choosing my work, in getting impassioned, etc. But there is a physical element to me that is interconnected with those other elements, and when I remember that and give the physical part of me reign sometimes, I am a happier, healthier, more successful person.

Week 6, Day 1 will mean going back to alternating running and walking before committing to only running from then on. I am so excited now to know that I really can do it!

C25K Update . . . and a bit more

I did Day II of Week 5 again yesterday, and it was fine. It was hard, but it was fine! I could certainly feel my muscles working on the running sections, and I was slightly sore, but it was nothing worth stopping me. I ran two 8-minute segments with the end of the last one being a pretty steep incline. Talk about talking yourself through it! But I did it, and I'm very proud of that fact.

I realized this morning that I actually only have to do 20 minutes (ha! only . . . 20 minutes) once this week before dropping down to a lower level for the beginning of next week. I guess that's to push my muscles and then rest them some? In any case, I'm planning to do that on Wednesday, weather willing, and then move on to Week Six.

Do you know what? This was so cool to me. The skills I'm developing in C25K and with my healthy eating attitudes are paying off in other ways. Let me share. . . .

A few years ago, I developed a case of acrophobia (fear of heights), and it's never gone away. I went from being a fearless adolescent to being a very fearful adult rather suddenly. My parents had a very sudden separation and then a long, horrible divorce. My financial world fell apart. My emotional world fell apart. It seemed like I was just waiting for the next bad thing to happen. Then I got sick, several times, and then it turned out I had cancer. Then my first fiance and I broke up. Of course, plenty of good things happened in the meantime, but what it felt like was I was just holding my breath waiting for the next earthquake. I've let a lot of that go, but the fear of heights has stayed with me. When we were in Oregon on vacation, we were crossing, on foot, a bridge that was high over a rushing river. I felt woozy glancing down. I clung to the railing with each step. I had wanted to stop to take photos, but suddenly I felt like I couldn't do anything but be afraid. Then I thought (as I have used with foods I have craved but haven't really desired), "What if I just don't?" Only this time, I meant, "What if I just don't let myself be afraid?" And suddenly, I wasn't. I was able to look down, look up, walk without holding the railing, and take a great photo of my husband on the bridge. I was so excited that my diet trick worked. It's so basic . . . yet it worked.

The other thing is that I have decided to develop 3-4 blogs simultaneously for the next year to year-and-a-half. I am going to do them more professionally than I have done any blogging. I'm excited about it, and I find it a bit overwhelming. When I feel overwhelmed, it's easy to just STOP thinking about whatever is overwhelming me and do nothing. Today, instead, I thought, "Why don't I break this down the way C25K breaks down running? I can do anything in little pieces." So I emailed a very successful blogger I know to get some advice, and I broke through the paralysis.

What I find so completely refreshing and exciting about all of this is that I have never found losing weight contributing anything except resent-able restrictions on my life. With this path, instead, I really am learning to take care of myself and to move toward my goals slowly, with purpose and pleasure.

Back on track and a tasty vegetarian meal

Have I mentioned I can totally do this? Because I can. When I keep a positive attitude and don't let a bad day or three throw me off, I'm alright. I know what to do; it's just a matter of keeping it up.

I've been considering making videos of how to make some of the easier meals that I make. Would that help any of you be more committed to cooking meals full of healthy foods? For those of you who don't cook or do cook but are scared to experiment, what would help you be more comfortable and adventurous? You'd get to watch me lose weight in the course of videos. . . . That could be interesting for me, anyway! One of my friends mentioned this weekend she panics, basically, when she sees words she does not know in a recipe and just does not use that recipe. I wish everyone could enjoy cooking like I usually do--it can be such a centering pleasure--and I want to help people with that however I can.

I just finished pumping up my ball, so I'm going to do some exercises this morning with that and my resistance bands. I should stop typing for a minute and go take some meds for cramps. . . . Okay, let's hope I feel better now in a few minutes.

After I try out my various exercises with the ball and resistance bands, I'll post what I'm doing since some of you asked about that.

Oh, interestingly, I have noticed in the past couple of days that I am able to stretch a lot further than when I started stretching before running six weeks ago. (Can you believe it's been six weeks now? That's crazy!)

Another bonus is that I am developing crazy ab muscles! I keep making my husband feel them. (He always obliges me.) They are still under a layer of fat for the most part, but it's nice to feel how different I am becoming. Lifting your legs to run is a great core work-out, I've learned.

I found a picture of me from the fall that demonstrates how I looked at my recent highest weight. It's a physical picture, not a digital one, but I'm going to scan it soon to keep a record, I think. I don't think I still have any photos of me at my truly highest weight, which was about 40 pounds higher than I am now. (40 pounds!)

As I stayed home from work yesterday, I had plenty of time to make dinner last night. I made a much more elaborate meal than I would usually consider making on weeknights. I set stuff up to marinate, went for my run, came home and bathed, and finished the meal.

This is what I made (nearly every ingredient was organic, and the produce was local):

I peeled, chopped, and blanched (boiled and then plunged into ice-cold water) a couple of golden beets for about 8 minutes, adding a couple of peeled, chopped turnips the last four minutes.

I peeled and chopped several carrots. I tossed the carrots and the cooled-off beet/turnip mixture into a big plastic bag. I added some herbes de provence, garlic-and-herbs Mrs. Dash, a tablespoon or so of olive oil, and a couple of grinds of salt and pepper. I sealed the bag and spread the marinade around by lightly pressing together and shaking the contents of the bag. i stuck it in the fridge to marinate.

I chopped up a block of tempeh and put it in a smaller plastic bag. Then I stirred together some molasses, Bragg's amino acids (a soy sauce substitute), a bit of vegetarian Worcestershire sauce, some grated peel of a tangelo, and the juice of the tangelo. I poured that mixture into the tempeh bag and squished it all together. I stuck it in the fridge to marinate.

I sliced the ends off of fennel (I should have cut off a bit more and left just the bulbs--this was my first time cooking fennel, which has a mild licorice-like taste, delicious though I don't like licorice), doused it in a bit of olive oil, salt, and pepper, and stuck it in another plastic bag in the fridge.

I put some rainbow chard in a big bowl of water to soak some of the dirt off.

I went for my run--Day 2 of Week 5 (I'm repeating Week 5's days for a while). It was a really hard day for running. But running 8 minutes at a time rocks to be able to do!

When I got home, I preheated the oven to 400 degrees. Then I took a quick bath.

While I was in the bath, my husband chopped a yellow onion for me and put it in a bit of olive oil on low heat in a non-stick pan.

I sprayed two cookie sheets with non-stick cooking spray. I dumped the turnip/beet/carrot mix on one and put the fennel bulbs on the other. I put the turnip mix in the oven for about 40 minutes; ten minutes later, I added the fennel.

I stirred and covered the onions. Then I rinsed the chard off and tore it into bite-size pieces, dropping it into a bowl as I went.

I added about a tablespoon of brown sugar to the onions and stirred that in. The onions were caramelizing at this point.

With ten minutes before the veggies were going to be done roasting, I put water on to boil in a non-stick pan to make enough grits for two people.

When the water was boiling, I added a dash of salt and the grits to it. I stirred the grits in well.

I threw the chard into the onion mix, turned the heat up to medium, stirred the onions and chard together, and put a lid on that pan.

I heated another eye on the stove to med-high heat and, when it was hot, tossed in the tempeh, which cooked quickly.

I stirred the grits, grated a bit of sharp cheese, and added the cheese and a teaspoon of butter to the grits. I added a dash of my ever-present Lawry's seasoning salt (ooh, a recipe to make your own here) and a few grinds of pepper. (Grits--a Southern US staple which are a whole-grain version of corn meal, basically--are ready to eat in 5-7 minutes, depending on how thick you want them.)

I pulled the roasted veggies out of the oven to finish the prep.

To serve, I put the grits in two bowls, topped them with the roasted vegetables, put the chard/onion mix on that, and topped that with the tempeh.

Then I drizzled a very small amount of truffle oil around the edges of the bowls. I have eaten truffle oil in restaurants but never cooked with it before. It is amazingly rich and wonderful. If you are trying to be careful of your fat consumption, I encourage you to use a small amount of truffle oil in savory foods that you want to be rich. It made a huge difference in the meal.

The end result was rather pretty.


I loved the grits, roasted veggies, fennel, and chard/onion mix; the grits were rich and creamy, the roasted veggies were earthy and slightly bitter, and the chard/onion mix was earthy but sweet from the caramelized onions. I thought the tempeh was a little too sweet. I also had given myself way too much food in my bowl, so I only ate about half of it. My husband really liked it all, including the tempeh; he ate part of what I had left in my bowl.

This recipe used a good bit of oil but did not have much fat otherwise, and nearly all of the ingredients were healthy, so I consider the meal a success. It was beautiful and delicious--just what you want from a healthy meal.

Day 2, Wk. 5

Day 2 of Week 5 (a repeat of Day 1 of Week 5, for me) accomplished! They're setting up for a big festival in the park where I run. It's going to be packed all weekend. I am hoping a run on Friday morning will work with all of the vendors et al out there.

I owe y'all lots of food info with some great photos. I've been so busy! Today I am freecycling a huge chunk of stuff from my apartment to clear it out and make way for the cleaning service (an eco-friendly, living-wage cleaning service) that is coming to do a deep clean of our apartment tomorrow. My husband and I agreed to spend some money on that after we have been so lackadaisical with cleaning since his accident. I am really excited about having the house be thorougly clean.

Off to give away more stuff now. . . .

Trying to explain what I've been trying to do

Here's part of a chat I had with my best friend, who has recently moved down the street from me (like when we were kids! only in a different city) and started C25K. The chat illuminates part of what I've been working on mentally and emotionally since January:

8:32 AM Margaret: i'm still sore

8:34 AM me: yeah

i will feel alright

8:35 AM and even be okay walking

and then the first running step i take

i can feel the soreness

not like shin splints

but very mild similar pains
not enough to keep me from going

but you also moved this weekend--is your upper body sore?

Margaret: yep, but my legs are the worst

8:36 AM they are very heavy

me: hmmm

i wonder if you pushed yourself too hard

Margaret: i don't know

i don't really think so

it's not miserable

6 minutes

8:42 AM Margaret: i don't want to not run tomorrow, but ....

7 minutes

8:50 AM me: it's okay not to

the point is to take care of yourself

right?

i mean part of the point is running

but running is about taking care of your body

Margaret: yeah

me: and if taking care of your body means waiting another day

then so be it

8:51 AM you had a very taxing weekend, body-wise

Margaret: that's true, but it would be hard to start again if i stop

me: ah, that's where you have to work on letting go of the perfectionism

just as i have been doing :

:)

8:52 AM waiting an extra day or two is only 'quitting' if you live in a perfect world

and we don't

Margaret: it's not perfectionism i'm worried about it procastination

me: you're not procrastinating if you're in pain

Margaret: i'm very good at that kind of logic

8:53 AM me: it's been very good for me to always try to keep in mind taking care of myself

sometimes the answer is NOT to exercise

and sometimes it is

i don't know

8:54 AM it's working for me, but i can't really explain it beyond that

8:55 AM Margaret: hmmm... i know myself and i can totally logic myself out of working out

me: if you mean that you can justify not working out if you think of it that way, so can i. but i remind myself that if i am bullshitting myself, the only one that suffers is me

Margaret: i mean i can make excuses all day

that's true

me: and that keeps me in check because i am being very honest with myself at all times

or trying to be, at least

Margaret: yeah

8:57 AM me: if you're just beating youself into submission to work out

. . . i guess i've come to see that's no answer in the long run, at least for me

because eventually i'll rebel if i'm 'punishing' myself into shape

but if i'm doing it to take care of myself

8:58 AM there's nothing to rebel against

Margaret: that's very good stuff

hard to get into that mindset

me: yeah, it's definitely a process

i sent you that o magazine article, didn't i? that talked about having empathy for the self?

Margaret: i'll see how i feel tomorrow

8:59 AM and i'll be prepared to go

me: yeah, that's smart, too. because you will probably feel somewhat better tomorrow.

Margaret: yep

me: the other thing is, if i just don't feel like going but don't have a good reason, i just pull on my clothes and get the forward momentum, and then i know i'll be really disappointed in myself if i don't go

so i end up going

Keepin' on keepin' on

The last few days have thrown me off a bit emotionally. The biggest thing was finding out that I am allergic to a huge variety of molds, grasses, animals, trees, etc. *Sigh* My husband and I are trying to figure out what changes to make in our house to deal with that. Because we are careful with money, we have it for things we need it for, so it's not a problem to change things in our apartment. It's just a pain in the butt and requires energy that the allergies are already sapping from me some.

Also, my husband takes the second/last part of his mid-Ph.D. quals exam tomorrow. I am confident he will do well, but I'm still feeling a bit nervous for him. It will be nice to have it over with. He's struggled, somewhat, with preparing for it because of his accident in November. (For those who missed that post, he was crossing a street in a crosswalk when he was hit by a car that was traveling about 35 mph on impact.) He spends 4-5 hours a week in PT and is often exhausted, achy, and/or cold when he's not in PT. So even though he's brilliant (really--he is), getting ready for this test, which is draining under the best of circumstances, has been hard on him.

But in happier news (and that last news WILL be happy when it's over tomorrow, too), I did Day 1 of Week 5 of C25k yesterday. It wasn't easy, but it also wasn't as hard as I was expecting it to be. It helped that it was a bit chilly; I'd rather run in GA cold than GA heat! Week 5 is different than previous weeks because each day is different, and on the third day, you're doing nothing but running! Eek! I am going to stretch Week 5 out a bit and do Day 1 once more before I move on to the next day.

In other happy news . . . I broke my plateau! This is the only time in my life that I have stuck with healthy eating and exercise to break what was basically a three-week plateau. Today, I weighed in at 184.4, which means I am down 19 pounds since January. And it means I'm 4 pounds away from my next goal weight, which means I will be ordering a new bathing suit soon! At 177 pounds, I will have reached my half-way point (I can't believe I'll soon be in the 170's! That's marvelous!), which means I get a bigger reward. I'm thinking about looking into tooth bleaching. I know some people think tooth bleaching is completely superficial, and certainly, it is superficial, but after I had braces for four years in high school, my teeth were no longer as white as they could be. They've seemed dingy to me ever since then. It's funny, because I sure don't notice other people's teeth, so I doubt they notice mine. But it bothers me a bit, and rewards are about things I wouldn't normally buy myself, so I want to look into it. I think it might be more money than I want to pay.

This weekend, I learned that I have fit back into three pairs of pants I wore in college. That's really exciting! I'm back in clothes that I haven't worn since I had my first surgery for ovarian cancer (which changed the shape of the front of my body and left a ridge of scar tisue in my abdomen). I freecycled a variety of size 16 dresses and shirts. Woo-hoo!

I'm glad I took the time this morning to write this post. I was feeling a bit crappy emotionally, but now I'm excited. I love being able to share with y'all; it keeps me accountable, and in general, it feels great to share with people who understand.

Day 5, Wk 4, C25K

I've done two more days of week 4. I'm still not feeling super-confident, but I was able to do them in completion, so I'm going to move on to Week 5!

I went to an exercise store in Atlanta where a personal trainer was very kind in helping me get resistance bands and an exercise ball. I feel self-conscious going into stores that are solely about exercise, but he was very helpful and genuine. If you're in the Atlanta area, check out Fitness Resource in Buckhead if you need something they offer--it's fitness equipment only, from low-tech to high-tech.

Now I have to develop a work-out for my arms with my new equipment! Not that it has anything to do with any of my ultimate goals, but I'm in a wedding 8 weeks from now, and it will be nice to firm up my arms some to go along with the rest of my slimmer profile in my bridesmaid dress!

Day 3, Wk. 4, C25k

I went for my run/walk this morning about 7:30 a.m. (Yes, it made me late for work. I called and left a message to let my boss know I'd be late. Not a big deal--I'm working all sorts of extra hours right now.) It was so cool that I felt a bit chilly until I got my blood pumping with my first run. I was definitely breathing easier with no early morning smokers in the park, no high-humidity/high-smog conditions, and the pollen having been slightly tamped down out of the air by a light mist. I managed to finish Day 3 with no problems: no cramping; no stitches; no being entirely, desperately out of breath.

However . . . I still feel like I need to strengthen my ability to do this level before I move on, so I'm going to continue the Week 4 routine (5-min. stretch, 5-min. warm-up walk, 3-min. run, 90-sec. walk, 5-min. run, 2.5-min. walk, 3-min. run, 90-sec. walk, 5-min. run, 5-min. cool-down walk--whew, that's complicated, good thing I have my mp3 timing it for me) for anywhere from an additional day to an additional week--until I feel more confident about my abilities at this level.

And I'm definitely going to try to go out in the mornings . . . albeit a bit earlier than today. I can't get going too early, because it won't be light outside, but 7 a.m. should work fine right now.

Oh, and I went shopping a couple of days ago for a couple of new work shirts, as the ones I own are getting too big for me. I bought two shirts and wore one of them yesterday. Our small office was abuzz with people asking me about my weight loss; apparently, it's very obvious when I wear stuff that's more fitted than my old clothes!

Changing

I did Day 2 of Week 4 of C25k last night. I waited a half hour later than I have been going out, and that was a good idea; it was a bit cooler going out at 7:30. (I live in the Southern US, so 'sunset' technically is something like 8 p.m. right now, and it stays somewhat light until 8:30 or so. I exercise in the park, so road traffic is only a concern on my way there and back.)

Honestly, Day 2 of Week 4 was hard for me. I got a stitch in my side with my first 5-minute run--despite me running slowly and trying to breathe deeply-- and eventually I put my mp3 player on pause and walked/deep-breathed it off. Then I started running again. I did manage both 3-min. runs and the second 5-min. run with no stopping. I am going to try (*try*) exercising in the morning before work tomorrow to see if an earlier, cooler, less smoggy start (Atlanta has terrible smog when it gets hot/humid) helps me out. If tomorrow's run/walk is as difficult as yesterday's, then I'm going to do Week 4 over again. It is easy for me to feel anxious, frustrated, or competitive with myself for not being able to skip straight to Week 5. I am taking time to remind myself that this is a journey toward being able to run, not a competition!

Doing C25k is good for me in that way. I remind myself I'm learning to do something that I'm not good at. There are many things I won't be instantly good at that I want to try. This is the first one I can remember in a long while where I am recognizing I'm not good at it and gradually working toward the goal of doing it better without getting frustrated or flustered to the point of giving up. What will I try next? I'm not sure, but I guarantee you I'm on a roll.

For some reason, I have kept putting off getting a trainer for upper-body work. Now the end of the semester isn't terribly far away, and I can only buy sessions through the end of the semester at my husband's school. I'm considering not getting a trainer and buying resistance bands and a ball to use at home instead. I wanted a trainer to help me exercise in the park, but the heat and pollen (high pollen count = 120, pollen count in Atlanta yesterday =5300) are making being outside not terribly enjoyable. So now I think I would like to do stuff at home. I want to do things that don't require going to the gym at all, so I've been researching at-home, weight-less exercise. I'm thinking some plyometrics, some exercises that use my own weight and gravity (like push-ups), and some resistance work-outs would be a good upper-body combination. Until I get through C25k, I don't need any additional work-outs for my lower half. My core has been amazingly strengthened by running--I can't believe my hard obliques!--and will also be supplemental support for the upper-body stuff I'm looking at.

I have realized something important in this process of learning to run. Ladies, some of you will understand how major this is. I have realized that if I am going to be someone who works out regularly, if I am going to be some kind of athlete, I have to take care of my body to the point of giving up some of my shoes. During the workweek, it's not unusual for me to wear shoes that have stretched out to be slightly too big (I hold them in place by occasionally tensing my toes or some such--which I didn't even realize till recently) or that pinch my foot a little, or something like that. But if I go to exercise after wearing those shoes, my feet are, of course, still uncomfortable from the shoes I had on. That's not cool. It looks like I'll be purging my closet this weekend. This is not a small thing: we are talking about some of my most beloved shoes. My husband is in awe of the fact that I'm considering giving up my favorite red clog Doc Marten's, which are, these days, a smidge too big, and slide around on my feet a bit in a way that's not entirely comfy for much walking. But I'm thinking about giving up those shoes and probably half a dozen or a dozen others because part of this whole weight-loss thing, and part of this whole exercise thing, and part of this whole becoming-a-better-me thing is realizing that I want to take good care of myself in every way possible. I mean, really--I've recently started flossing every night, and I hate flossing. It's the same thing, at heart, the rest of this: I want to be a happy, healthy me, the me that is nurtured; and that means doing things that ultimately take good care of me even if they are not the easiest to do initially or in the short term or even if they change my life a bit or alter my relationships with some people or whatever. I'm taking time for me and making energy for me in a variety of ways, getting healthier as I go. No one else can nurture me if I don't nurture myself.

There are times in life when things are falling apart and you do what you can to hold them together. You cling for dear life. You grudgingly make whatever changes you have to make to keep going. It's all a struggle, and you are brave for just making it through the best you can. Then there are times in life when things are coming together for you, and you can either sit complacently or take those times for all they're worth. I'm in one of the latter times now: figuring out grad school plans, working on a great relationship with my husband, calming down my complex relationship with money (a subject due its own long post, whenever I manage to finish the one I've started), simplifying my life so that what is really important to me is in the forefront and what society tells me should be important isn't as prevalent in my mind. I want to take this time for all it's worth and make some big strides towards the person I want to be . . . even though it's not easy to do that.

When it got hard for me yesterday on my second 5-min. run, I pictured the little girl I was when I was three. When I was three, I loved my tricycle. I cycled my bright red tricycle everywhere I could: I was a tricycle speed demon. I was full of energy. I was full of possibility. "I'm coming home," I told the little girl in my head. "I'm getting back to the you you thought you'd be."

Weekly Weigh-In & C25K Update

I'm down another .8 pounds--woo hoo! I'm hoping maybe my drop will be slightly bigger this week. I'm itching to get down to my next goal (180) so that I can buy myself a new bathing suit. It'd be awfully handy to get to that weight in time to get my suit for the wedding I'll be attending on Florida's coast the first weekend of June.

I finished Week 3 of C25k and did Day 1 of Week 4 yesterday. I think I am going to try switching to mornings (pre-breakfast, pre-work) for my runs as apparently in spring our city's largest park turns into an mj haven in the evenings. Combine clouds of smoke, smog, high heat, and humidity, and you get one gaspy veggie paparazzo. Still, I made it through the first day of Week 4 . . . until the last 30 seconds. I got a stitch in my side that didn't want to leave, and I walked the last 30 seconds of my last run. I was a bit disappointed and had to remind myself I'm really doing well.

Because really . . . REALLY . . . I still ran HALF A FREAKING MILE at a time.

And tomorrow, I plan to run every bit of the running part.

I CAN do this. And that's pretty damn awesome.

Still trucking along

Ah, I'm so busy right now! . . . but I want to get back to posting daily, so I'm going to try to start making that a priority again over the next couple of days. Posting daily keeps me accountable, as does reading all y'all's blogs.

I can tell you that, YES! I finished week 2 of C25K, and I have also finished Day 1 of Week 3! Very exciting. I never thought I would be able to jog 1/4 of a mile, but hell, look at me go! I'm loving what this is teaching me about my ability to develop new skills over time.

Sunday was my first anniversary with my husband, and we had a lovely day. Off to bed now.

I Did It! Vol. II, Issue 1 ;)

I did the first day of week 2 of C25k today! I ran NINETY SECONDS at a time, and that is so freaking awesome! After my fourth 90-sec run, I got the strange cramps in my lower abdomen again (though not as severely), so I put my mp3 player on pause and walked pretty slowly for a couple of minutes until they had subsided. Then I picked up where I'd left off and finished that sucker.

It definitely was hard. And I had taken medicine last night that was giving me cotton mouth today (like what happens when you're on morphine, if you've ever had surgery--though the med I was on is nothing like morphine!), so I spent nearly the whole time with a painfully dry mouth and dry throat. (Note to self: bring water just in case from now on.) I thought about quitting today with the dry mouth, the cramps, and the unusually hot day we were having that was making me feel uncomfortably warm. But then I thought about coming back and how it would feel not to have finished--about telling my husband, about telling y'all--and I got my butt in gear and just did it. It wasn't impossible, just hard.

The other issue for me today was that the park was absolutely packed . . . truly, absolutely packed. I had to get over the idea of hundreds or thousands of people throughout the park chilling on blankets while watching me huff and puff (though already my huffing and puffing is less than it was last week). I just did it. Kept my head up, concentrated on my form, and just did it. You can never be an athlete if you don't take the steps athletes take. And I do want to be an athlete.

I used new songs this week and had my husband show me how to set up the beeps in the program he wrote so I would know when to start and stop running. I put U2's "Beautiful Day" as the song in the very middle of my run/walk, thinking I might need some propping up then. And it did the job beautifully. I love that song.

I have a couple of great meals to post for y'all tomorrow--one of which is vegan--so be on the look-out if you're recipe-hunting.