Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Yes I can

Today started off badly in general. I had cried for a long time last night because my sister with whom I had been arguing has switched to ignoring my existence; she won't return my communication. Then I had trouble waking up. My period was gushing randomly like a geyser. (Sorry for the gross imagery, but, well, it did affect my day.) It was raining. I was late to work. I forgot (forgot!) to eat breakfast for the first time since the start of this year. I had a nosy coworker frustrate me. There was a heinous smell of dead rats in our office from some rats that died above our ceiling tiles. I felt gross and bad and off. But I was determined to get back on track today.

So when I realized I had forgotten to eat breakfast, I ate an early lunch of my leftovers--white bean and kale soup--with a side of a piece of whole-grain with almond butter and honey. I bit my lip so badly it bled and bled; finally my boss came in and asked if my nose was bleeding. That's how much blood there was! I blotted it and kept on eating.

Knowing that I'd be eating a late dinner tonight with a visiting friend, I ate a snack of smoked almonds and dried fruit about 3 p.m. When I left work for a minute to pick up my new shipment of contacts, I learned that I somehow never got two boxes previously--six months ago--that I was charged for; no manager was on duty to refund the money, and the woman who was working the counter argued they probably wouldn't give me a refund--"because it's been six months since they came in." Um, do contacts go bad in six months? No. So resell them. I'll deal with it tomorrow, though. I considered popping through Starbucks for a hot chocolate, but I realized what I wanted was to feel better, to feel on track, and that wouldn't do it.

When I got home from work, I immediately felt tired. I wanted to take a nap. I stood by the bed and stretched the top half of my body across it. But I didn't lie down. Instead, I pulled on some exercise clothes and went for a long walk, listening to my mp3 player along the way. I even ran three fairly short stretches during my walk! That probably doesn't sound like much, but it was. The first time I ran past runners--well, what did I expect? that they would point and laugh?--of course they did nothing. I wasn't remarkable--just one of many people running in the park. I must not have looked as foolish as I felt. That experience made me more confident. I went home and took a bath to get all the sweat off. (It is, quite randomly, 65 today.)

When my friend arrived tonight, we walked to dinner. I had a tasty alcoholic drink and ate about 2/3 of my meal--about two bites too many, but not bad. I was aware. I was planning to walk home, but my husband had met us and told me he didn't want to be lonely in the car by himself. (That means, I miss you! Come love on me!) So I rode with him and held his hand. Now I'm home. I got myself back on track today. And I'm going to keep it up tomorrow.

12 comments:

Mal said...

It always amazes me to hear people's successes in, basically, forcing themselves to get out of a slump. When I'm in a slump, I'm always convinced that it's impossible... but I think back to times when I have ACwormed my own way out of them and realize that it's well within grasp. I applaud your very mindful efforts to get back on track and be so sane about all of this!

celtic_girl said...

Sorry you had a crappy day, but it sounded like it came together in the end.Congrats on achieving your under 200lb milestone.

Sarah said...

I am an awe of your willpower! You are so on the right track.

I do live in Nashville, but I travel all of the time to go to concerts =)

~~Midnight Raider~~ said...

You go, girl! You have so many things to be proud of! You stuck to your nutrition plan, you exercised, you stayed focused... way to go! By the way, whenever I am out running (more like snail's pace jogging) and I see someone walking with bursts of running, I always think to myself: "You go, girl/guy!" I always want to shout out something encouraging, but I don't want to sound or look like an idiot.

csmc said...

It sounds like it was a really hard day. I'm sorry for that. Especially the family issues - I have some of my own that are similar and it's never easy to deal with. For me it is helpful to try and remember what I have control over and what I don't (based on your fabulous progress documented here I don't get the impression this is a concept you struggle with when push comes to shove, ;) ) and recognize that she is going to make her own choices/ mistakes and probably have more to do with her own issues than any of yours. Have you guys thought about going into counseling together?

Wow.. I am so impressed with your success at staying on track with your day food wise. I am totally in awe. I have a thing or two to learn here that is FOR SURE!

metamorphose said...

I hate days like that. Sorry bout your sister.

I used to work for an optometrist. Contact lenses have a shelf life of a couple years.

KL said...

What a sucky day. I hope tomorrow's better!

Kim said...

I'm sorry it was such a rough day for you - but SO proud of you for ending it well. Your resolve is amazing. :)

Sonya said...

Awesome way to end your day - with music and exercise. I'll bet you felt awesome afterward! I hope that made up for your day a little.;-)

CactusFreek said...

Sorry to hear about your sister. You could send her a card. My sister send me cards sometimes because we aren't very close but we love each other. The last one she sent was tittled, "The story of two very different sisters.." it was nice :o)

It's awesome that you are so in tune with the connection between your body and the food that goes into it. That's an inspiration! :o)

CactusFreek said...

..Aaawww i wanna give you a hug now! [[HUG]]

Cory said...

Sorry to hear that your day started so terribly, but you pushed through and ended it well. That's a great victory for you!