Trying to explain what I've been trying to do

Here's part of a chat I had with my best friend, who has recently moved down the street from me (like when we were kids! only in a different city) and started C25K. The chat illuminates part of what I've been working on mentally and emotionally since January:

8:32 AM Margaret: i'm still sore

8:34 AM me: yeah

i will feel alright

8:35 AM and even be okay walking

and then the first running step i take

i can feel the soreness

not like shin splints

but very mild similar pains
not enough to keep me from going

but you also moved this weekend--is your upper body sore?

Margaret: yep, but my legs are the worst

8:36 AM they are very heavy

me: hmmm

i wonder if you pushed yourself too hard

Margaret: i don't know

i don't really think so

it's not miserable

6 minutes

8:42 AM Margaret: i don't want to not run tomorrow, but ....

7 minutes

8:50 AM me: it's okay not to

the point is to take care of yourself

right?

i mean part of the point is running

but running is about taking care of your body

Margaret: yeah

me: and if taking care of your body means waiting another day

then so be it

8:51 AM you had a very taxing weekend, body-wise

Margaret: that's true, but it would be hard to start again if i stop

me: ah, that's where you have to work on letting go of the perfectionism

just as i have been doing :

:)

8:52 AM waiting an extra day or two is only 'quitting' if you live in a perfect world

and we don't

Margaret: it's not perfectionism i'm worried about it procastination

me: you're not procrastinating if you're in pain

Margaret: i'm very good at that kind of logic

8:53 AM me: it's been very good for me to always try to keep in mind taking care of myself

sometimes the answer is NOT to exercise

and sometimes it is

i don't know

8:54 AM it's working for me, but i can't really explain it beyond that

8:55 AM Margaret: hmmm... i know myself and i can totally logic myself out of working out

me: if you mean that you can justify not working out if you think of it that way, so can i. but i remind myself that if i am bullshitting myself, the only one that suffers is me

Margaret: i mean i can make excuses all day

that's true

me: and that keeps me in check because i am being very honest with myself at all times

or trying to be, at least

Margaret: yeah

8:57 AM me: if you're just beating youself into submission to work out

. . . i guess i've come to see that's no answer in the long run, at least for me

because eventually i'll rebel if i'm 'punishing' myself into shape

but if i'm doing it to take care of myself

8:58 AM there's nothing to rebel against

Margaret: that's very good stuff

hard to get into that mindset

me: yeah, it's definitely a process

i sent you that o magazine article, didn't i? that talked about having empathy for the self?

Margaret: i'll see how i feel tomorrow

8:59 AM and i'll be prepared to go

me: yeah, that's smart, too. because you will probably feel somewhat better tomorrow.

Margaret: yep

me: the other thing is, if i just don't feel like going but don't have a good reason, i just pull on my clothes and get the forward momentum, and then i know i'll be really disappointed in myself if i don't go

so i end up going