Monday, April 9, 2007

Trying to explain what I've been trying to do

Here's part of a chat I had with my best friend, who has recently moved down the street from me (like when we were kids! only in a different city) and started C25K. The chat illuminates part of what I've been working on mentally and emotionally since January:

8:32 AM Margaret: i'm still sore
8:34 AM me: yeah
i will feel alright
8:35 AM and even be okay walking
and then the first running step i take
i can feel the soreness
not like shin splints
but very mild similar pains
not enough to keep me from going
but you also moved this weekend--is your upper body sore?
Margaret: yep, but my legs are the worst
8:36 AM they are very heavy
me: hmmm
i wonder if you pushed yourself too hard
Margaret: i don't know
i don't really think so
it's not miserable

6 minutes
8:42 AM Margaret: i don't want to not run tomorrow, but ....

7 minutes
8:50 AM me: it's okay not to
the point is to take care of yourself
i mean part of the point is running
but running is about taking care of your body
Margaret: yeah
me: and if taking care of your body means waiting another day
then so be it
8:51 AM you had a very taxing weekend, body-wise
Margaret: that's true, but it would be hard to start again if i stop
me: ah, that's where you have to work on letting go of the perfectionism
just as i have been doing :
8:52 AM waiting an extra day or two is only 'quitting' if you live in a perfect world
and we don't
Margaret: it's not perfectionism i'm worried about it procastination
me: you're not procrastinating if you're in pain
Margaret: i'm very good at that kind of logic
8:53 AM me: it's been very good for me to always try to keep in mind taking care of myself
sometimes the answer is NOT to exercise
and sometimes it is
i don't know
8:54 AM it's working for me, but i can't really explain it beyond that
8:55 AM Margaret: hmmm... i know myself and i can totally logic myself out of working out
me: if you mean that you can justify not working out if you think of it that way, so can i. but i remind myself that if i am bullshitting myself, the only one that suffers is me
Margaret: i mean i can make excuses all day
that's true
me: and that keeps me in check because i am being very honest with myself at all times
or trying to be, at least
Margaret: yeah
8:57 AM me: if you're just beating youself into submission to work out
. . . i guess i've come to see that's no answer in the long run, at least for me
because eventually i'll rebel if i'm 'punishing' myself into shape
but if i'm doing it to take care of myself
8:58 AM there's nothing to rebel against
Margaret: that's very good stuff
hard to get into that mindset
me: yeah, it's definitely a process
i sent you that o magazine article, didn't i? that talked about having empathy for the self?
Margaret: i'll see how i feel tomorrow
8:59 AM and i'll be prepared to go
me: yeah, that's smart, too. because you will probably feel somewhat better tomorrow.
Margaret: yep
me: the other thing is, if i just don't feel like going but don't have a good reason, i just pull on my clothes and get the forward momentum, and then i know i'll be really disappointed in myself if i don't go
so i end up going


Anonymous said...

your progress is amazing, but i can't help feeling jealous

Weight Master said...

it's very easy to talk yourself out of a workout.