I did. It was just going to happen. And it did.
I had a gain this week.
And I know what caused it. We had a crazy weekend last weekend--starting with a big Easter breakfast--with our car getting broken into, and it turned into a bigger deal than it initially was where the insurance company wanted to total the car. (They aren't, though.) That didn't cause weight gain, but it caused the week to be a bit haywire. (We share one car.) I got sick. My period is coming. Things at work made me want to cry. Several times this past week, I said, "Ooh, I am stuffed" at the end of the meal instead of slowing down and stopping when I was becoming satisfied. (You know how the food keeps hitting your belly for about twenty minutes after you eat.) This weekend, I went to another city for a bridal shower and bachelorette party. I ate less than other people but still ate until I was uncomfortable. I didn't listen to my body enough. Because of an issue with the exercise ball I bought, I haven't used it yet. I have one to use now and am starting either today or tomorrow. (Today, I run. Can't decide whether it's okay to do them the same day.)Those aren't excuses; they're just facts. "One week doesn't mean you're forever off-track; it's just part of life." That's my zen weight-loss-of-70-pounds-maintained-for-years husband speaking. And he's right. 1.2 pounds up this week is a bit disappointing, but only because I know I haven't been taking as good of care of myself as I could. It's not really about the weight; it's really about the weight being a marker to demonstrate how much I'm nurturing myself. The real problem would be if I let this past week become a habit. I don't feel well when I'm not caring for myself.
I am at home (in my home city, I mean) today through Thursday evening. I'm going to be concentrating on making us meals with lots of fresh, loca, organicl veggies, whole grains, great herbs, and lean vegeterian protein until then. Thursday, we leave for my grandmother's house in SC to visit for her 92nd birthday. We drive back here late Friday. Saturday morning, we are flying to Oregon for a week for a much-needed vacation. While we are there, we are going to have many culinary feasts. But I'm going to remember that just because something is fantastically tasty and full of local, fresh, organic ingredients doesn't mean I want to eat all of it. Better to leave satisfied and feel well (ready to wander around and hike) than stuff myself and feel sick. (I don't binge, by the way--I just mean eating a whole restaurant meal is usually eating way too much food.)
I am still confident I can do this, though. This slow, steady weight loss that's not about beating myself up has me feeling wonderful, and I can't give that up. Nor can I give up the exercise that makes me excited to look at and feel my various body parts to feel how I am remaking myself.
Going to the mall last night and finding size-12 dresses that fit me . . . size 16 pants that were too big . . . that's exciting. This blip on my radar can't change that unless I let it.
Statistics like the ones in this article are scary, and I've been one of those people who lose just to gain double, certainly. But this time . . . I'm not willing it to be different like I have in the past; I'm not forcing myself to make changes that feel painful. I'm easing myself into changes that feel great, which makes this different from every other weight-loss attempt I've ever had. "Whipping myself" into shape hasn't worked, but keeping a constant attention on taking good care of myself (hey, I'm an adult--no one else is going to take care of me for me) is working. What makes you feel confident that this time is going to work for you?
4 comments:
VP - I love your take on this whole weight loss thing. Intuitive eating is really difficult when you are surrounded by all kinds of physical, emotional and psychological issues. Good on you staying down to earth and taking it all in stride. I was thinking about blogging about this same kind of issue today. I hear ya screamin'!! :) I have no doubt you are doing everything you need to for yourself.
I feel your pain and I understand how frustrating it is. But let's try looking at it in a positive light, OK? You've been doing all the running. And of course this means you are going to gain muscle. And of course muscle weighs more than fat. So maybe at least a part of this is muscle gain which means you are going to be burning fat even faster!
You have definitely got your sh** together. I don't think I could have looked at it the way you did. Great job with the positive reinforcement. If I could only do the same thing.
This was a great post. It is always good to be reminded that this is a weight loss journey and not a race and that we take it one day and one week at a time. I had 2 cookies today that totaled 8 Weight Watchers points. That's more points than I ate at dinner! But I can't let that be a setback. I can't let that make me spiral into more bad decisions. To answer your question, I've never really tried to lose weight before, so I have no idea if I am going to be careful keeping it off. If I stay on track, I will reach my goal by December 2007. But then what!? That scares me.
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